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andromedasstarship · 4 years ago

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in the stars - chapter 2

photo credits - @ssahotchnerr

pairing - aaron hotchner x reader

warnings - canon-typical criminal minds violence, show rating 16+ for reference. depictions of violence, stalking, murder, angst, age gap couple, language

summary - You and Aaron reunite, but it’s not exactly anything to celebrate over. The case moves forward, but you really wish it hadn’t like this.

a/n - no one is allowed to call me out on my lack of LA/california geographical knowledge. ive also started including readers mental thought train which is italicized (flashbacks will also be in italics, but ill always properly mark a flashback). if you arent tagged but asked, just send another ask/reply! i mustve missed it on accident.

blog rules

masterlist // read it on ao3 here

chapter 1 // chapter 3

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Chapter 2

Aaron Hotchner was standing in front of you. Impeccable, not even a slight crease in his shoes and suit pressed to perfection. He still smelled faintly like cedar, a thought you quickly tried to send away; it was too late though, already remembering how pitiful it was post breakup, when you would smell the shirts he left at your house, a desperate attempt to remember that he existed in your life. You’d spent hours, days even, thinking about how you’d react if you were ever to see Aaron in person again. At the top of the list was screaming at him, really giving him a piece of your mind for leaving the way he did. Or, maybe you’d be cool and composed, the epitome of maturity and ‘I’m Totally Over You’. You’d even considered completely ignoring him, not even giving him a second glance. Instead you were frozen to the spot, staring up at the man who broke your heart.

Pulling your eyes away from him, they darted towards the gap between his body and outside, internally debating if you’d be able to somehow sneak around him. As if he could read your mind, not like you had been particularly subtle, he moved to close the gap before you had the chance to fully formulate an escape.

“Y/N,” he tried again, voice a bit firmer this time around. It’d be better if he couldn’t speak. But then again he had such a beautiful voice-. No, you mentally clamped down on that thought before it could lead you down another rabbit hole. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

��Tell you, uh, what?” You asked, hyper aware of how mousy you must’ve sounded.

“That someone was murdering women that looked like you. You should’ve called my team sooner, it was irresponsible to put yourself at further risk of-”

“Are you trying to imply that this is somehow my fault, Agent Hotchner?” The words felt bitter on your tongue. It wasn’t like you, to suddenly be so quick to anger. Years in the spotlight had taught you to hold your tongue, but Aaron’s words managed to cut right through.

“That’s not what I’m saying, you know that-,” he tried to interject, but you weren’t going to back down so easy.

“I know what Agent? Please, tell me the acceptable response to this situation,” you spat out at him, finding a brief enjoyment in the way his face scrunched up ever so slightly. “The police were working on the case, I’ve dealt with weirdos before.” Aaron opened his mouth again as if to speak, but you weren’t finished, “You really think I believed you’d answer if I called?”

His face fell at that and you felt some form of internal victory swell in your chest. Y/N 1 point, Aaron Hotchner 0. The victory was short lived though, as you came to the realization that the two of you were still in a very public setting.

“I’m not going to fight with you Agent, I suggest you get back to your team.” With that you shoved your way past him, stomping the entire way to your car. It was a shame, the way the anger and sadness was consuming you, maybe if it hadn’t, this time you would’ve noticed the clicking coming from the tree line.

----

Hotch wished you had been angry; it would’ve been easier to handle you if you had been screaming in his face or throwing low-blow comments his way. He could deal with anger. It’d be easier if he could pretend that you were being completely out of line and could warrant being ignored for the rest of the case.

That wasn’t you though, and he knew this. He didn’t have to be a profiler to see and hear the way you struggled to hold yourself together. He didn’t need to be a profiler to feel how disappointed you were with him. Hotch didn’t know how to deal with this or you. Even though it had been months, had he truly fallen so far from your graces; was your opinion so lowly of him now?

Hotch wasn’t sure which was worse to stomach, the fact that you had such little faith in him or the deep rooted feeling in his gut that told him you were right- had you called him unannounced two months ago, he wouldn’t have picked up the phone.

----

You sat in your car for twenty minutes, at least. It was pitiful, the way you were crying in your car, to a sad playlist, over a guy who hurt your feelings; it felt like high school all over again. In the moment, you had felt good, the way you watched Aaron’s face twist and fall at your words giving you some sick form of satisfaction.

It’s not like you had lied to him or anything. You hadn’t even stretched the truth for ultimate impact. The whole overly formal ‘Agent’ thing was definitely on purpose though. No, you had meant every word you said to Aaron, especially about not believing he’d answer if you called. What would you have even said if you called and he did pick up? Hi Aaron, remember me? Good, anyway hope you’re doing well but I think I have a murderous stalker, can you help? Actually, that’s probably exactly how the conversation would’ve gone, but that’s beside the point.

The point was that even if you could trust the Unit Chief of the BAU to do his job, you weren’t sure you could trust Aaron Hotchner anymore.

----

When you finally did muster up the courage to return to the conference room, you really wished you hadn’t. You should’ve just turned your car on and left. Was it possible to ghost the FBI? You’d heard enough stories from Aaron about how their tech wizard had found people with just a single loose thread, there was definitely no way you were going to make some spy like disappearance.

Aaron wasn’t in the room, something you were grateful for in the moment. But what you weren’t grateful for was how the team had managed to set up multiple bulletin boards in your absence; filled with your photo, crime scene photos, the dead women and your personal least favorite, the dead women’s bodies.

Of course, you knew what was going on, you were a big girl, well old enough to understand and process the gravity of the situation. But you’d only seen photos of the women alive, with personality and humanity; something about that made them look less like you and more like them. Looking at them now- dead, eyes closed, faces tilted away from the camera- these women didn’t just look like you, they were you.

You hadn’t even realized you were drifting closer to one of the boards until you felt a hand pull at the crook of your elbow. Turning your head ever so slightly you saw JJ, giving you one of her nice looks again.

“Y/N, you don’t need to see these,” JJ started, already pulling you in the opposite direction. You were about to agree, head already halfway to a full nod when you noticed something from the corner of your eye.

“Wait!” You exclaimed, pulling your arm back and getting right in front of a photo of victim #2. You very gently pulled the photo of the wall and held it closely in front of your face. Were you allowed to move it? Oh well. You felt the rest of the team’s eyes burning holes through your back so you turned to face them. “I, um, I’m pretty sure the sweater she’s wearing is mine.” You said, voice coming out as a whisper.

The team certainly seemed to liven up at that statement. Even though they hadn’t even been in LA for a full 24 hours yet, it was obvious from the start that LAPD hadn’t been lacking on the case, rather the unsub was just that good. They reported no evidence from any dump sites,- and now those sites had been contaminated far too much to double check- there had been no witnesses for any of the abductions, and the unsub hadn’t attempted any contact with Y/N; all in all, they had nothing.

“Y/N, are you sure?” Emily asked, she was quickly pulling photos of the other three women down, bringing them over to the roundtable. “Are the women in these photos wearing anything else you recognize?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m sure. There’s a little hole right there, on the side, the threads were pretty loose and I got stuck on a doorknob once, ripped it right open. I couldn’t find it when I went to fix it, just assumed I threw it away and forgot.” You said quietly, moving your way to the table. Your brain wasn’t working properly, hadn’t quite yet come to the conclusion that the rest of the agents already reached. He had gotten into your house. “Oh my god.” You whispered, voice shaking. “He was in my house, wasn’t he?”

The agents all looked down at you with sympathetic gazes before Emily finally spoke up again. “We can’t be sure just yet, but I need you to look at these photos and tell me if you recognize anything else okay? Can you do that for me?”

You nodded, making your way over to the table and taking a seat. You were well aware one of the agents just called for Hotch, but you couldn’t be bothered with that right now.

----

“Hotch,” Derek said, his voice urgent as he rounded the corner, interrupting whatever conversation Hotch was having with a random officer, “Y/N recognized the sweater victim #2 was wearing at the dumpsite as hers. Emily’s showing her the rest of the photos and it’s looking like the unsub left something of hers on each one.”

That certainly got Hotch’s attention. He didn’t need Derek to fill in the blank, the unsub had been in your house. His fists tightened at his side and he couldn’t help the way his face twisted in anger. In this state, Derek knew better than to question this unusually personal reaction, instead just angling his body back towards the conference room. He didn’t even have a chance to open his mouth before Hotch brushed past him, making his way back to you.

----

Starting with a photo of victim #1, you very slowly pulled it closer in front of you. Oh my god, her neck. Obviously, you’ve seen bruises before, been on a whole bunch of film sets that used makeup to create some pretty gory pieces, but nothing like this. The unsub didn’t just stangle these women, it was like he wanted to completely crush their throats.

One of the agents behind you was questioning your ability to stomach this, so you quickly forced yourself to focus. It was the least you could do for these poor women, just give them your undivided attention for ten minutes, and then you could deal with everything else later.

Your finger traced over the bracelet victim #1 was wearing. “This is mine. There’s a singular heart engraved on the back of the third diamond’s plating. I bought it for myself after I got cast in my first big role, cried for weeks when I ‘lost’ it.”

“And what about this one?” Emily asked, gently pulling victim #1’s photo away from you and replacing it with #4. You didn’t miss the way she turned the photos you’d already looked at upside down, as if to further shield you from them. Nor did you miss that she was technically skipping victim #3.

It didn’t take you long to notice what was yours on victim #4. “It’s the dress, it’s really comfy, I used to wear it a lot, like a lot a lot. I brought it with me so often on trips I just assumed it got left in a hotel room somewhere.”

Emily nodded, taking back that photo and turning it over as well. You could see her hesitation in showing you victim #3, but she slid it across the table to you as well. Her fingertips ghosting on the edge of the photo, ready to pull it back as soon as you gave an answer.

Victim #3 was tough. She looked the most like you, both when she was alive and certainly the way she looked now.

You took a sharp intake of breath as you looked down at her the first thing that caught your eye was the necklace. Most certainly yours and most certainly the one that Aaron had given you for your three year anniversary. You realized it was lost a few months after the breakup and nearly tore your house apart looking for it; you didn’t have many things from your relationship with Aaron to prove he was once part of your life, making the few things you did have all the more important. “The necklace, there’s an A engraved on the back and I’m pretty sure those shoes are mine too.” Emily swept the photo back and out of view as soon as the last words left your lips.

“JJ, get those items out of evidence immediately so we can be absolutely sure,” Hotch ordered. Aaron. You hadn’t even realized he had walked into the room, you turned to look at him, eyes wide with sadness and fear. The tears that were beginning to form tugged viciously on his heart. “Miss L/N, my team and I are going to escort you back to your home and we’re going to need to canvas it for signs of entry and identify if anything else is missing. Is that okay?” He asked, his voice soft with something most of the members couldn’t place.

You simply nodded at that, glad that you wouldn’t have to be alone, “Do you need my address, or will you just follow my car?” There was definitely humor in that, Aaron already knew exactly where you lived and the code to get through the gates.

“Your address is already in our files, but for your safety we’ll be following close behind.” He assured you. The rest of the team was jumping into action, grabbing their personal belongings along with copious amounts of gloves and bags you assumed would be for potential evidence.

As you all exited the building and entered your respective vehicles, it was Reid who realized where he’d heard that softness in Hotch’s voice before. It was the same tone he used to use with Hayley, back when things were good.

----

Your house wasn’t far and it was a drive you knew well; grateful for the ability to somewhat distract yourself on the road. The gatesman to your development gave you a real odd look when you told him the two black SUV’s filled with FBI agents were with you, but you couldn’t care less about which neighbor he might spread that info too. Did you see? L/N brought in the FBI, wonder what she’s caught up in. At least all the neighbors and workers had signed airtight NDAs, no one was allowed to talk to any outsiders about the personal happenings of their fellow residents.

Your house was towards the top of the hill, with a great overlook to the ocean. You had only been 20 when you bought the house and you viewed it as the ultimate achievement of all your hard work and determination. You couldn't shake the bad taste in your mouth as you pulled up the driveway. The house felt tainted now, something you were never sure you’d be able to shake.

----

Once again, not exactly how you imagined the entire team entering your house for the first time. Your house was extensive, as were the grounds; the team quickly realized they would probably be here for the rest of the day and well into the night.

You were standing awkwardly in the middle of your foyer, unsure of how to exactly approach this situation. “So, there’s about 10 rooms in the house, not including the kitchen and general living spaces, as well with the basement which is technically one big room. I made maps once as a joke, I think I have some in the office, if you wanted those? Or we could do one big house tour and you can break off that way,” you were so rambling, but them being in your house and why they were in your house was setting in, “or you can just go off however you want-”

“Miss L/N,” JJ said, there was that nice look again, “why don’t you show me around the house so I can get a base level understanding of everything there is. The rest of my team will go start a basic canvas of the inside and the grounds as well.” Thank you JJ.

You nodded at this, glad that someone else was taking control of the situation. Before you could lead JJ towards the kitchen, your phone started to ring, startling you. When did you get this skittish?

“My friend is calling,” you said, holding up your phone, “I gotta take this, I was supposed to meet him for coffee a few minutes ago.” You excused yourself, quickly making your way to an empty room away from the rest of the team. Your friend was annoyed at your more than last minute cancellation, but luckily he didn’t pry too hard and accepted your flimsy “I’m not feeling too well’ excuse on the first go.

“I know, I’m sorry, but I promise I’ll make it up to you as soon as I feel better. Yeah, I love you too. I gotta go, bye.” As you hung up, you could feel a gaze burning into the back of your head. Turning around, you found Aaron staring down at you from the doorway. How long had he been there?

“You should have told us about your boyfriend sooner. Trying to protect him from questioning will only-”

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” you exclaimed, a bit too hurriedly, “I, uh, I’m not seeing anyone at all actually, haven’t in a while.” Smooth.

Aaron was smart enough to read through the lines and understand what you had left unsaid. His gaze didn’t give up, but you could’ve swore you saw relief somewhere in his eyes. You weren’t sure if you were supposed to say something, or if he was supposed to say something, or should you walk out, or-

“Neither have I.” Hotch’s voice broke through your thoughts, but just as quickly as he said it, he turned on his heel and left you alone in the room.

----

a/n - if anyone is wondering ive 100% cried multiple times at how kind and supportive everyone has been with me about this story. we’re only 2 chapters in but im already sad for it to end. yes i 100% have a bunch of other wip ideas for hotch. anywaaaaaaay, replies/asks/comments/reblogs/likes always appreciated! thank you so much for reading

Taglist: @mac99martin @iwaizumiee @kylorendrip @hqtchner @lieswithoutfairytales @ssahoodrathotchner @midsummernightdream @weasleylovers @evans-dejong @itsmytimetoodream @yoshigguk @28cnn @cuddlyklaus @hotch-meeeeeuppppp

no permission is given to republish or upload my fics anywhere else. if you see this story not on my tumblr or ao3 it is stolen work. i do not own criminal minds or any of the characters involved

#aaron hotchner x reader #hotchner x reader #hotch #aaron hotchner #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds #'stori writes #in the stars

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indiaalphawhiskey · 3 years ago

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A snippet —

In honor of this fic’s first, very italicized ‘oh.’ ✨

—————

“The boys finally slipped. Well,” he paused, “‘slipped’ implies an accident, so no; the boys finally blatantly exposed how we really got together.”

Harry jaw dropped, “What? About the dinner in uni?” He whined at the sight of Louis’ nod, “Weren’t we taking that to the grave?”

“Well, we were,” Louis said, beginning to walk slowly back towards the table, “but apparently we forgot to include our friends in that particular blood pact.”

“Mm,” Harry hummed thoughtfully, as he fell into step with Louis. “Well, is there any wiggle room? Plausible deniability?” he suggested.

“I don’t think so,” Louis admitted, shaking his head. “Frankly, the eye witnesses presented some pretty damning accounts.” Harry chuckled beside him and, as Louis turned to face him, he couldn’t help but feel a smile settle on his lips as he noticed the way the sunset still seemed to kiss Harry’s cheek so softly; stitch itself into his curls. Unbidden, he remembered what he’d confessed to Zayn earlier, and felt a sudden jolt.

Oh my God, Louis, he chastised, enough!

He managed to shake off the thought just in time for Harry’s gaze to meet his own. “I wouldn’t worry about it, though,” Louis reassured in a tone that was much calmer than his mind currently felt, slightly foggy and muddled as it was. “I mean, I can’t even remember why we were keeping it from them.”

“We didn’t want to perpetuate the stereotype that people were mean to you because they liked you,” Harry answered without missing a beat, and somehow, Louis does have a memory of that being one of their first ‘big’ (and slightly over-the-top) parental decisions. When he looked up, Harry was smirking at him. “Nevermind that, that time, it actually was true.”

“Excuse me,” Louis scoffed, offended, “that is not why I was mean to you.”

He was about to remind Harry, in vivid detail, about the moment they had first met – when Harry had callously swiped the very last cassette of David Bowie’s Let’s Dance at their off campus record store, quite literally from straight under Louis’ nose – when Harry, smile cool and a touch cheeky, decided to say, “Maybe I was talking about me.”

And… oh.

It did not bode well for Louis’ health that, even after all these years, apparently Harry Styles still had the uncanny ability to leave him absolutely, completely, positively tongue-tied.

Bastard.

🧦 More from the GAPT AU.

#GAPT AU #gapt snippet

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writingwithciara · 4 years ago

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Around The World And Back ~Luke Patterson~

summary: a ghost falls in love with his best friend, but not without its consequences [lyrics from Around The World And Back by State Champs are what inspired some of the dialogue]

word count: 1.6k

pairing: luke x reader

warning: mention of death

note: [lyrics from Around The World And Back by State Champs are what inspired some of the dialogue] song lyrics are bold & italicized

masterlist

been around the world and back this year

Being a ghost had it’s perks. You could go wherever you wanted and never be seen. You could do whatever you wanted without any consequences. Well, mostly anything.

For a ghost, falling in love was hard. It was even harder if the person you fell in love with just so happened to be your best friend, and one of the few lifers that could see you.

Luke was one of the unfortunate ghosts who found his affections for a live human, growing exponentially and without warning. Aside from Julie, y/n was his best friend. She believed in him when he couldn’t find the strength to do so himself.

Unbeknownst to him, he was falling in love hard.

And when he figured it out, he fled. Like, completely disappeared. No trace. Not even Alex or Reggie could find him.

He spent a lot of time exploring and trying to comprehend the pain he began to feel, knowing he could never physically be with y/n, if she even felt the same.

told myself i want to face this fear

When he finally returned to LA, it was 3 months later.

Standing outside of Julie’s garage made Luke feel like he was about to meet a bunch of strangers. He wasn’t even sure they would welcome him back instantly.

Taking a deep breath, he walked through the open door.

“-and then we can....Luke?” Reggie was in the middle of an intense conversation with y/n when he spotted his best friend behind her.

The minute his name was spoken, y/n turned her head and suddenly, everything came back. Every feeling, every memory. They all came rushing back to her brain as she stared at the ghost boy before her with tears in her eyes.

“Hey.” he weakly spoke, making a quick eye movement to his feet.

“What are you doing here?” she responded.

“I came back to see you guys.”

“It’s been 3 months and you couldn’t even say goodbye, Luke.” her voice was breaking and it was killing him.

“There’s too many ways to say goodbye.” he sighed and took a step towards her, only to have her jump back, nearly knocking Reggie over as he tried to help support her weight. “But it’s quite the opposite this time.”

“If there’s too many ways to say goodbye, why couldn’t you have used one of them? If you wanted to leave so badly, you should’ve at least told us why.” she looked up at Reggie and he nodded.

“Look, the reason I didn’t say goodbye was because,” he took another chance to approach her and smiled when she didn’t back away. “Oh god. How am I supposed to say this without it hurting either of us.”

“I don’t know. You tell me.” she folded her arms and glared at him. All she felt was anger towards the ghost who broke her heart.

“Reggie, can you give us a minute alone?”

“Yeah, let me just-”

“No. Whatever you have to say to me, you can say in front of Reggie too.”

“Fine.” Luke shook his head and took a deep breath. “The reason I didn’t say goodbye was because I was scared. All you lifers get to do all these amazing, wonderful things and us ghosts get nothing good in our lives.”

“So now I’m nothing good? What the hell, Luke? I thought I meant more to you than that.”

“You do. I swear you do. And that’s why I couldn’t say goodbye when I left. When I left, it was because I found out I’m falling in love and it’s scaring me. Ghosts aren’t supposed to fall in love with a human. It doesn’t work for either party.” By now, Luke was pacing.

“I know that it can work. And if you would’ve stopped to think for a few minutes, you could’ve at least told a certain someone how you were feeling. Maybe they would’ve told you that being in love with someone outside of your ‘species’ wasn’t totally insane. They may have just told you that they have been having those feelings too.”

“What are you talking about?”

“It came to me in a dream, but I realized that I was also falling in love with someone outside of society’s ‘normal standards’. I fell in love with a ghost and, believe it or not, that ghost is you, Luke. You running off for 3 months made my whole world fall apart. I felt like I lost everything, And I thought that you just didn’t want to be around us anymore.”

“I’m sorry I made you feel like that. It was never my intention. All I wanted was time to figure out how I felt and to see if I could get rid of these feelings.”

“And did it work?” she let go of Reggie and slowly approached Luke.

“Nope. I’m still in love with a lifer.”

“And I’m still in love with a ghost.” she smiled through her tears and pulled him in for a kiss. A kiss where their lips actually connected, something that they’ve never been able to do. Reggie watched in amazement as Luke began to glow. True love must be what connects them to the lifers.

~~~~~

A year down the road was when everyone realized just how short a life could be.

Luke sat on the balcony hanging over the coffee shop. He watched as all the cars passed by. It was something that always calmed him down. It also helped him organize his thoughts.

He was supposed to be meeting y/n on the balcony to celebrate her getting into a good college. She had wanted to go to Stanford her entire life and when she finally got the acceptance letter, she threw a party to tell Luke. He asked her to meet him at her favorite coffee shop for a smaller celebration and since he wasn’t able to poof somewhere with her, she had to drive.

He was sitting alone and looking up at the sky, waiting for her when all of a sudden, he heard a loud crash from below. Fearing the worst, he glanced down.

There was a pile up of cars just outside the cafe. Luke poofed down and searched the wreck for y/n, hoping she wasn’t part of it. But when he saw her car at the back of the crash, her unconscious body still at the wheel, he nearly broke down into tears.

His emotions ran higher when the paramedics informed each other that there were no survivors.

Watching them wheel her body into the ambulance made him break even more than he ever thought he could. It wasn’t the fact that she was dead. It was the fact that she may automatically crossover and not spend any time as a ghost, meaning he would never see her again.

If that was the case, his last words to her would’ve been ‘I’ll see you in 10 minutes’ instead of ‘I love you’.

When he arrived back at Julie’s garage, the rest of the band and Flynn were all sitting with their heads down. They heard him enter the room and all their attention went to him.

“Is she-” Alex began to ask but Luke nodded before he finished and they all broke into tears. Julie and Flynn pulled the boys in for a group hug as they mourned the loss of their best friend.

“Oh god. I’m gonna miss her sweet smile.” Alex sat at his drums and looked at the sticks y/n had gotten him for his would’ve-been-birthday. “She was the best.”

“Yeah she was.”

At this point, Luke hadn’t said a word. He looked at the guitar she would play as he taught her the right notes to a song.

“Luke, you okay?”

“No.” he sighed. “I never got to tell her I loved her.”

“Yeah you did. A year ago when you came back after being gone for 3 months.”

“I said I was falling in love. That didn’t mean I loved her. It meant I was working towards it.” he began to pace and his anger started rising. “Now I’ll never be able to say it.”

“Say what?”

Everyone heard the voice and they all turned towards Luke. Their eyes widened and he spun around quickly.

Y/n was standing in the doorway of the garage. Flynn, being the only one to have processed the situation, went over to her and tried to touch her but her hand went through her arm.

“Yup. Another ghost.”

This new information made Luke feel intense feelings. He ran to y/n and was quick to pick her up and spin her around. Instead of the sad tears he was shedding just mere minutes ago, he was letting all his happy tears flow out of him. He had never been happier to see someone dead.

“So, is anyone going to answer me?” she giggled as Luke set her down.

“I forgot what you asked.” he smiled. “I’m just so happy to see you.”

“I just wanted to know what you said you’d never be able to say.”

“I thought I would never get the chance to say I love you.”

“But, you did, didn’t you? A year ago.”

“Apparently, that time didn’t count. He said he meant he was working towards it.” Reggie chimed in, causing y/n to giggle.

“Oh.”

“But I do love you. I really really do.”

“I love you too..” she smiled. “I feel like we’ve been around the world and back this year.”

when you believed in me, it brought us together. everybody says that it won’t last forever

#luke patterson x reader #luke jatp #luke patterson #luke x reader #jatp

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gubesboo · 4 years ago

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That should be me

HEY!! ITS MEEE! I posted quite some time ago that maybe I should post a fic so HERE IT IS FINALLY MY FIRST FIC! I’m in nursing school so it can be difficult to write also I read all of these amazing stories and think I could never so hopefully you enjoy this!

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warnings: uhhh cursing, suggestive sexual language, mutual pining, fluff (cause I’m a fluff whor3), maybeeee angst? idk I think that’s it other than pretty bad writing!

Italicized = readers thoughts

Bolded= spencer’s thoughts

Word count: 3.5k

Y/N POV

Working at the BAU is not what you were expecting. Long hours, early mornings, sleepless nights. Don’t kid yourself, you loved your job, but at times it can seem that the bad outweighs the good. Only one thing could lighten you up on your darkest days and it was him. Doctor Spencer Reid. Spencer was everything that you hope for in a potential partner. He’s patient, caring, intelligent, also did I mention insanely attractive. Over the years of working there you and Spencer had become best friends, even rivaling Derek Morgan as his, and Penelope Garcia as yours. See being best friends is great, although completely platonic, the late night movie marathons, weekly coffee meets, along with working right beside him on your darkest days, you have come to love the brown mop of curly hair and hazel eyes that is Spencer Reid. Well, the problem that now is�� BEING in love with Spencer Reid.

The bullpen having it’s normal hustle and bustle left you with your thoughts. You didn’t even recognize the man of the hour as he called out to you.

“Y/N…? Y/N... Y/N!!”.

“Oh.. sorry Spence, what’s up?”, you blushed a little, embarrassed that this man could have the power to zoned you out any minute of the day.

“Are you okay? You seem a little out of it.” Spencer so worriedly responded.

It’s the little things like this that could someone so easily make anyone fall in love. Spencer Reid could read you like a book, which is not something out of the ordinary for him. These microscopic gestures is something he knows that you take close to heart.

“What? OH! Yeah I’m fine Spencer this paperwork is seriously getting to me now.”

He let out a little laugh at your response. “Yeah I can see that, that’s why I offered you a fill on your cup of coffee.”

Yeah you know what else you can fill. You thought in your head for the quickest second but just as quickly you could feel the heat rising in your face. With this you were quick to stand up to take the attention off of you. “You know what yeah Spence that would a-actually be great! I’m just gonna...uh… go see Penny real quick, I forgot I was meeting her to give her back her… s-sweatshirt she left at my place!”.

Oh god are you screwed. Dammit Y/N get it the FUCK together. “Oh ha.. You know, that might be helpful” you reply trying to act aloof. Spencer just smiles hesitantly parting your ways as he walks towards the break room for coffee, and you go to Garcia’s to give her the ‘sweater’.

Spencer looked at you quizzically causing you to quickly turn to head that way. Just before you walked out of the bullpen you heard Spencer say “Uh.. Y/N.. do you want your bag?”.

Barging through the door of Penelope’s headquarters, she turns around at you wide eyed like you have just escaped a wild tiger.

“Y/N are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Great. “Penny I am LOSING it here.”

She looks at you worried like you actually have tossed your head off of your shoulder. “Oh this is about boy wonder now isn’t it” she so dubiously recognized.

“Yes Penny I have no idea what I’m doing here, I can’t focus on my work, I’m embarrassing myself left and right, and to make matters worse this whole thing is completely one sided!”.

Penelope looks at you sadly, she wants more than anything for you and Dr. 187 to get together but the stress of seeing you in this state almost breaks her heart. “Y/N, have you tried talking to him about it, we see the way he acts with you. Always going out of his way to make sure you are safe and happy, he doesn’t do that with just anyone…”

You had to give it to her, Penelope always puts on the bravest face for you, that’s why you love her so much. “It’s not just me Penny, what about JJ… or Emily even, he does the same for them… look I’m just trying to be realistic. Someone like Spencer would never go for someone like me. He IS a genius, and I can barely make it through one day where my mind doesn’t get sidetracked.”

Penelope had had enough with your self doubt, she knew you were one of the most talented on the team. “Y/N ENOUGH! First of all, JJ and Emily never stay with Spencer and binge watch Doctor Who til’ the break of dawn. We all notice the longing stares on the jet between him and you, the maybe a tad too long hugs before you guys leave… it’s obvious he’s into you. You know Spencer has a thing for germs yet he shook your hand on your first day here. Let that sink in for a second Y/N. Secondly, you are one of the smartest and talented people on this team. Remember last week when you guys were in Dallas, and YOU pieced together the unsub had a partner.. Y/N there would’ve been so many other victims if it weren’t for you, you have no idea how much everyone respects and values your accomplishments on the team, INCLUDING Spencer.”

Tears had welled up in your eyes, you never knew how much you needed these words of endearment. Sometimes it can be hard to believe this when you are always in your head about what you could've done better or simple mistakes that could've been avoided, sending you into a downward spiral. “Thanks Pen”, you smiled subtly. “I think I’m gonna go to lunch, do you want anything?”

“No Y/N I’m good. Please go talk to Spencer, I have faith that it will really end happily for you” Garcia replied kindly.

“You know what I will, also one more thing…” She turned back in her chair cautiously at what you might say next.

“Yeah?”

“Um.. if anyone comes in here asking what I was doing, can you say I returned a sweater to you?”

“Oh Y/N” Garcia said, releasing a school girl giggle, “You have SO got it bad”.

You laughed out of her office, timid of what the rest of the day had left to offer.

SPENCER POV

Ok that was odd, I hope Y/N is okay. Was it something I said? Oh God what if Morgan spilled the beans on how I feel about her. She’s my best friend, no what Morgan would never do that...well...would he? Just my luck Morgan was in the break room filling up his mug, walking in he gave me the slightest smirk.

“Well pretty boy how is it going with Y/N? Ask her out yet?” he said, taking a sip of his coffee giving him the side eye.

“What!? No.. Morgan you know she doesn’t feel the same about me, she’s never demonstrated anything that could elude to being more than friends. I know it will never happen.” sadly stated, Spencer began filling up the two mugs.

“Oh and you have?” Morgan said chuckling at Spencer’s reply, it was obvious that not even the genius had shown any type of actions that would sway Y/N into thinking he wanted to be more than friends. Spencer of course recognizes this but the simple things must account for something right? The subtle cuddles on the couch, constantly getting her refills on coffee, late night hangouts when Y/N was having a crying breakdown. He doesn’t just do that for anybody, she has to know this right? Maybe it wasn’t too obvious.

“Look Morgan, I’m trying alright? You haven’t told her anything have you, she’s been dodgy around me lately.” Spencer crouched into himself, thinking how he could mess up something that hasn’t even started yet?

“Come on Spencer, I mess with you a lot, but not when it comes to ya girl man. Look if you think something is bothering her just ask her about it, I think you guys are close enough as friends to where you can ask her about something like that right? And if she does know about your feelings then you have your answer, if not, lay it on her Reid. You always miss 100% of the shots you don’t shoot.”

Listening to these words almost encouraged Spencer but the weight of the fact that he might be rejected by the one girl he has opened up his heart to is too much to handle. It is easier to sit on the sidelines and wait for the opportunity to erupt then seize it himself.

“Yeah Morgan you’re probably right. I’ll ask Y/N about it at lunch. Thanks Morgan I’ll keep you updated.”

Morgan chuckled to himself “Well hopefully you don’t have to tell me, you can show me when you get back.”

With that, Spencer walked out of the breakroom with his and Y/N’s coffee right as she walked back into the bullpen looking slightly disheveled. “Hey Y/N! Lunch?” Spencer smiled at Y/N.

“Ummm… Yeah! Sandwiches?” Y/N replied, Spencer realized she usually had sandwiches when she was stressed. Carb loading seemed to make everything better. He mentally noted this to ask about later.

“Sounds perfect.”

With that Spencer and Y/N walked out of the office timidly, overwhelmed with their inner battle tension fighting at them.

LUNCH- Y/N POV

Walking into their go to sandwich shop down the street had a warm and inviting atmosphere. Almost like a hug from your grandma, it never gets old. The smell of freshly baked bread spread through the room and even calmed the nervousness that had surrounded Y/N and Spencer. The girl at the register you’ve come to know as Jessica, noticed her most loyal customers and greeted them with a warm smile.

“Y/N! Spencer! Welcome back you guys! Are we having our usual today?”

Almost embarrassed by the amount of times that they come in that the waitress knows their order. They nod in agreement. A BLT with mayo for Y/N and a ham and turkey club for Spencer.

“Don’t you know it Jessica” you replied, giving her a wink and handing her a 20. “Keep the change” you smiled.

“I’ll have it out to you guys soon!” She replied before going to the counter to assemble the lunch.

Spencer has seemed on edge since he asked you to lunch. Oh no had he caught on? Did he hear me and Penelope.. No he couldn’t have. Just breathe. It’s okay. You noticed Spencer about to say something when you were pulled out of your thoughts by an unfamiliar voice.

“Hi...Y/N?” you turned around to reveal a rather handsome man. What some would consider tall, dark and handsome. His black hair sat wavy on his head. He was cute you had to admit, just the perfect balance of toned without it being overbearing.

“Uh, Hi. I’m sorry I don’t mean to come across rude but...Do I know you?”. There was something about him that was right at the tip of your tongue. He did look familiar but you couldn’t place the face with a name.

“Oh right. Hi um Chase! From Easton Heights? We went to high school together.”

“OH MY GOD! Yes! Chase! We had Biology together right? Wow look at you! You look amazing, how are you?” Wow he has definitely aged well.

Spencer shifted uncomfortably. Maybe it was in his head but he could definitely see a connection between the two of them.

“Oh sorry Chase this is my friend Spencer, we work together.” Ugh friends, even saying the word left a sad tone on your tongue. So much hope and wanting in the word, that the one you hope would notice was completely blind to the idea.

Chase extended his hand for a handshake but was matched with Spencer’s typical skepticism, waving back at him instead of returning the endeavor.

“Don’t mind him, it's a germ thing.” you said to Chase seeming almost offended by Spencer’s action but nodded in an almost condolence type of way.

This brought you back to your first day with the team. After exchanging handshakes with Hotch, JJ, Rossi, Emily, Morgan and a bone crushing hug from Penelope (you knew at that second this woman was going to be your rock), last up was the genius himself. To his surprise along with everyone else's he extended his hand to meet yours to introduce himself. Everyone around gave skeptic looks to the other, but to be honest, it was hard to notice everyone else when looking into Spencer’s eyes. From that moment on, you were hook line and sinker to the pipe cleaner with eyes.

You reminisce about this moment along with Penelope’s words from earlier when you are pulled out of your thoughts by Jessica calling from the counter.

“Y/N, Spencer! Your sandwiches are up!” Jessica shouted from the counter.

Spencer went to grab the sandwiches from the counter while you and Chase continued the small talk. What he walked back in on made his heart sink to the pit of his stomach.

“Look Y/N I don’t mean to be forward but you obviously look great. I-I mean you’ve always looked great, I’m just saying adulting looks a-amazing on you. Anyways is there any way you are free tonight? Maybe we could meet up at this great Italian place in the city? Catch up a little?” Chase offered.

You had to hand it to him, he knew how to play his cards. As much as you wanted to hold out for Spencer, it was a stagnant relationship. No pull or tug anywhere as much as you wanted to, you didn’t want to set yourself up for heartbreak if you didn’t have to. You looked over at him. His face seemed unbothered by Chase’s actions. If he cared about you in more than a friend's way this would have bothered him right? If it did, he didn’t show it so you know what? Fuck it. Maybe it is self sabotage but, maybe this would be good for you.

“Uh, you know what? Yeah that would be nice. Maybe we can meet up around 7:30? Today is paperwork day at the office so I should be off at 5, gives me enough time to go home and change. Unless a case comes in of course.” You said handing him a card with your name and number on it, usually for business, but why waste time writing it down anywhere else right?

“Great I’ll see you then. It was nice meeting you Spencer.” Chase said with a warm smile before making his way out of the shop leaving you and Spencer in a limbo.

Well… THAT just happened. You thought to yourself as you walked out of the shop. Spencer seemed awfully quiet the walk back to the office only nodding and responding to your thoughts when absolutely necessary. Not even so much as the facts that you found completely endearing. You tried to brush it off as the midday lag, the sleep deprivation finally catching up to him, but that didn’t seem like the whole story. But at this point, you were tired of trying to read Spencer. Bigger and better things were waiting for you besides the man walking next to you. Or at least you hope there were.

THAT NIGHT- SPENCER POV

After an afternoon full of methodical paperwork, coffee, and self deprecation. Spencer goes home to his empty apartment, something that seems so full of light when Y/N is there.

If he had to admit it, this is something that Spencer had nightmares about. He knows it’s no one's fault but himself but he was right there. At lunch he was finally going to grow some balls and tell Y/N just how much he liked, probably loved her. But Chase happened. What if you fall in love with him, leaving Spencer in the dust. There is no way there could be time for a best friend AND a boyfriend. Especially not when Spencer wants to fill both rolls. He wants to be the one whose arms you wake up in. Who tries and horribly fails to make dinner for. To possibly get married and have kids with.

He ponders this while staring at you contact information on his phone, finger hovering over the call button. It is now or never. Spencer thinks.

“Fuck it.” Spencer says before grabbing his keys and coat, heading out the door.

YOUR APARTMENT- Y/N POV

Walking though your door and shedding your coat, you walk into your barren apartment thinking about the day you had. The rest of the work day had trudged along unbearably slow. You couldn't help but feel guilty accepting the date in front of Spencer. Sure, you guys were friends but on the way back and the rest of the day in the bullpen, Spencer had been avoiding you. When you looked over your eyes would meet, Spencer would clench his jaw and look immediately back down. He stopped the coffee refills, which was fine, but at some point he walked in on you pouring coffee just to do a straight 180 to walk out the door.

Ultimately feeling blue you decide to pick up your phone and text Chase to cancel the date. Not that you want to, but your head just wasn’t in the right place to go out. Even through the guilt of saying yes to Chase to get over Spencer, you thought this would be good for you, but it has only resulted in disappointment. Spencer should be happy for you! But it is obvious that this has affected him negatively. But why? Unless… no it can’t be.

A knock at the door pulled you out of your thoughts. Checking your phone it read 6:17 p.m.

“Huh?” you thought out loud.

Looking through the peephole you notice Spencer at the doorstep. Albeit sweaty like he ran a marathon, curls sticking out each and every way, you answer the door.

“Spencer? What are you doing here? Are you okay?”

Bending down to put his hands on his knees he holds up a finger to catch his breath. Finally waiting for a beat he straightens up.

“Don’t go.” He puts simply.

“What? Spencer.. What are you talking about? The date?” you say heart hammering against your ribs. This is actually happening right?

“Yes the date Y/N. Don’t play dumb. I can’t sit here and know you're going out with him Y/N. I… I love you. And I know it has taken me way too long to admit it but I thought about the future you could have with him, and to be honest that should be me there in that image, not him. I’m sorry if this is bad timing or if I’m too late, but I don’t care. I had to come here and tell you before I lost my nerve. I love you Y/N.”

You sat there mouth gaping open, staring him in the eyes. It felt like you just jumped into a freezing lake. Body frozen and heart hammering in your ears. Apparently this is the wrong move because Spencer noticed this reaction and turned to walk out the front door.

“SPENCER WAIT!” you called out to him. It was now or never too.

“I cancelled the date.”

“What?”

“Spencer, I cancelled the date. After I saw how you were acting, I.. don’t know… I felt guilty? Maybe it's because I’m trying to get you out of my mind. And I felt guilty for using Chase because Spencer, I am hopelessly in love with you. I mean unfathomably so. I just didn’t know you felt the same that’s why I never said anything. And I’d be lying if I hadn’t thought of the future with you in it Spence. I love you Spencer.” you say walking over to him grabbing his hands, intertwining fingers.

You never even noticed the tears in your eyes while you stared into his. The world seemed to melt around you as he leaned in locking his lips with yours. Salty tears mixed with the taste of him and everything felt right. It felt safe and normal.

You pulled away both of you smiling ear to ear as you wiped away the tears on his cheek. Leaning back in to place a chaste kiss on his lips.

“So what you’re saying is you have no plans for the evening?” Spencer so cheekily replied.

“Only with you.” You grin back with a soft chuckle pulling him to your couch for a long overdue Doctor Who marathon filled with cuddles and soft kisses.

#first fanfic #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #new writers corner #matthew gray gubler #mgg #female reader #im so soft #fluffwhore #derek morgan #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner

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jbarness · 4 years ago

Text

huh, that's new

a social media au

[27: news]

warnings: language, "pregnancy"?? uhh idk what else hehehe

a/n: this is a pretty long chapter i think? (2000+ words) im very nervous about this chapter cause its kinda a big deal asdfghjk anyways, please please please tell me what you think about this! and ik this idea is very odd HAHAHAHA but what else would you expect from two dumbasses named bucky and y/n? hehehe i really hope you enjoy this chapter!! ♡

flashback is italicized

huh, that's new - masterlist

You wanted to laugh so badly.

For some reason, your housemates are panicking over who the hell set this gender reveal party up in the living room.

It was you. With the help of Bucky of course.

Natasha and Wanda have been shouting “I’m not pregnant, I think you are!” to each other for about 10 minutes now. Steve decided that he needed answers too, so he joined in the shouting. Pietro’s talking to his camera, probably vlogging the whole thing. Peter’s talking on the phone with MJ asking if she set this up. Sam’s the only one enjoying the food. Bucky was looking at you from across the room, keeping the smile from forming on his face.

Just about an hour or so ago, you and Bucky were just setting the whole thing up. Bucky was pushing the table to the living room when you arrived with the cake. You placed the rest of the blue and pink food on the table along with other decorations. There were many variations of food, but the cupcakes that have toppers that said: “Here for the Sex” were Bucky’s personal favorite despite not knowing how they taste. The balloons were still lifeless when both of you hung the streamers on the walls with the banner that matched the topper of the cupcakes. After finally finding the balloon pump, blue and pink balloons filled the living room. Some were on the floor while you hung the others on the wall. When you were content with the appearance of the room, you and Bucky went your separate ways.

You got the idea of throwing a gender reveal party when you were working at the diner one evening. “You’ll be at the gender reveal party next week right?” the woman at the booth asked her friend. “Of course, Jill asked me to pick up the cake,” Her friend says. When you got the idea, you thought it was silly, so you dismissed it. Later on, you thought of more ideas and details to add, then in a blink of an eye, you were in the bakery, asking the baker if they can make a three-layered cake of your favorite flavor with the inside colored blue.

“Maybe P set this all up for a prank again?” Nat looked at Pietro who was filming the whole thing. “Just because I have a channel that doesn’t mean I always prank!” Pietro said, turning off his camera.

Steve sighed, “Okay, one by one. Nat and I were the first ones here, but it was all here already when we arrived. Wanda was the next one here, she was in the bookstore the whole morning. Bucky and Sam were next and they only came here because he saw the Instagram story of Nat. Pietro and Peter came home today from LA and Peter from Tony’s. Lastly, Y/N came home from the cafe,” everyone nodded.

After a couple of minutes of silence, you couldn’t handle it anymore, “Okay, I can’t do it. I give up. It was me. I set this up,” you laughed.

“But why Y/N?” Peter gasped, “Are you pregnant?”

Everyone’s eyes were on you now. Natasha’s eyes widened, “Wait, who’s the father?”

Bucky was laughing internally, you could tell. He wasn’t looking at you anymore, he turned around to look at the window. You could see his shoulders slightly shaking, he’s definitely laughing. Good thing the attention wasn’t on him. “I uhh… I don’t know,” you said. You technically haven't met Bucky's dad, you were being honest.

“Doesn’t matter, my sweet Y/N! We’ll support you and help you. Anything you need” Sam swallowed the macaroon whole before going to you and hugging you tightly.

“I know you will.” In less than a minute, you were trapped in the middle of the group hug.

“Why didn’t you say anything sooner? We would’ve known the gender by now!” Pietro said as the group untangled from the hug.

You laughed, “I was enjoying the show.”

“Well, come on! I wanna know if my godchild is a boy or a girl!” Wanda yelled excitedly and went to the kitchen to grab the knife.

Bucky walked towards you before you could join the others who are now gathered at the table, waiting for plates and the knife. “I’m tellin’ ya, doll, they’re gonna be frustrated at us,” he said. You shrugged, “They already are.”

Wanda handed you the knife to cut the cake. Everyone took out their phones to take a video of the “soon-to-be-mother”. You were trying very hard not to laugh at this point and so was Bucky, who was taking a video of his friends’ reactions to what they’re about to say.

You sliced a triangle on one side of the cake and pulled it out, showing blue. “Oh my God! It’s a boy!” Peter yelled, jumping around with Pietro. Sam and Steve took turns hugging you and they were later pushed aside by Wanda and Nat. “I’m happy for you, hun I am, but I really hope that a girl comes out of you,” Natasha said while hugging you and Wanda tightly.

You cleared your throat, catching everyone’s attention, “It’s actually a Bucky” you said, nonchalantly.

“Bucky?” Wanda pulled away slightly from the hug, making Nat do the same. “A Bucky? As in it’s Bucky’s baby?” Steve asked, wide-eyed, obviously excited, looking at Bucky who is now looking back at you, covering his mouth with his hands, to keep himself from laughing.

“I meannnnn… Bucky... is my... baby,” you said while extending your arm, inviting Bucky to come closer, which he did.

Peter was still confused and it shows, “You’re Bucky’s mom?” he asked, making Pietro smack his head, “Pete, it means they’re dating... Right?”

Both you and Bucky nodded, “We are.”

“Oh my God! Fucking finally! I was starting to think you’ll never tell each other how you feel! Do you know how frustrated you two made me?” Sam yelled, throwing a pillow at Bucky.

Natasha was yelling “I fucking knew it! I told you so!” repeatedly to her boyfriend while Wanda kept pinching both your and Bucky’s cheeks saying, “CUTIESSS!”

You looked at Bucky, “they don’t look frustrated” you said which made Bucky roll his eyes and smile. Both of you laughed when you saw Steve silently saying “Yes! My ship!” Either that or something about shit.

“Calm your asses. Now, this party isn’t just for us to announce that we’re together. This is also a party for Natty and Steve. Sorta like the part one of the roomies night we’re gonna have” you said, looking at the couple.

“Thank you, Y/N, but I don’t wanna think about moving right now. What I do want is for you two to give us the fucking details about how you two finally got together” Nat said, making everyone agree and sit down and get comfortable in the living room.

Bucky cleared his throat and looked on his left, where you sat. “It happened the night that her friend came to the city.”

☆

To say you were excited for tonight was an understatement.

Last night, you already picked out the clothes you wanted to wear tonight. It was simple, really, just a pair of jeans and the most comfortable hoodie you owned. Or should you go with a plain sweater instead? Printed shirt? Oversized shirt? Your grey sweatpants? They look comfortable. Or your black ones?

You ended up with your first choice.

Wanda and Nat noticed how upbeat and cheery you were the whole day. It wasn’t exactly like you to be this happy at 7 am. You cooked a lot more food than usual and you haven’t even had your coffee yet. “Maria’s in the city today!” was the only excuse you thought of every time they asked you. You had some errands to do that day, its something you find really boring and exhausting but you found yourself skipping to the bank. Skipping, not walking.

At the tower, Bucky was a nervous wreck. He couldn’t focus much on what he was doing. He would zone out and forget what he was typing, then he remembered he wasn’t typing at all, he was fixing a floor plan. Sam being Sam, noticed how Boinky was acting. He kept teasing Bucky about being distracted while Steve kept asking him to stop. “What’s up with you, Buck? What’s making you zone out?” Steve asked, giving Bucky some water. Bucky just shrugged and continued whatever the hell he was doing.

The evening came too fast for Bucky and too slow for you. You got home, got dressed to meet with Maria for dinner before seeing Bucky. When Bucky got home, he changed into something more casual and fixed himself at his bathroom. “Tell her tonight, you fucking idiot,” he told himself, looking at the mirror before grabbing his helmet and his old helmet that you proclaimed yours when you were hanging out before. He smiled at the memory then remembered that Dot never even got to see his motorcycle. Huh.

He picked you up at the hotel that Maria was staying at. In a few minutes, you were at the bar that you two used to go to. You two bought a couple of drinks before going to the spot - your spot. You almost forgot how beautiful it was there, especially at night.

“After tonight, you’ll only have one night of free drinks, use it wisely,” Bucky said, breaking the silence.

“Yeah, I’ll have to find another way to have free drinks from you,” you joked.

He looked at you, “You can just ask, you know? You don’t have to blackmail me,” he smiled.

You laughed for a moment and it became silent once again. It felt... awkward. You two were seated a couple of inches away from each other, the closest you two have been since you avoided each other, but you wanted to get away. You remembered the last time you were here, in this exact same spot. Drinking the alcohol of your choice, laughing with Bucky, talking about your high school selves. Many things have changed since then. It feels so weird and new to you, sitting next to someone you genuinely like, your friend. You took a deep breath and stopped thinking.

“I like you, did you know that?” you said out of the blue making Bucky wonder if he was just imagining it and he was just hearing things. He stayed silent, deciding that it was just his mind saying that cause that was what he wanted to hear.

You turned to Bucky, waiting for his reaction. Nothing. “Buck?” he turned and looked at you as if he hadn’t heard you. “I like you,” you said once again only this time, it was louder and clearer.

“You like me?” Bucky asked, finding it hard to believe for some reason. “Like, you like-like me?” You nodded, smiling at his creased eyebrows and slightly tilted face, like a confused puppy. You almost didn’t notice how your heart is beating quickly as if it wanted to jump out of your chest. It was taking Bucky too long to reply, and that made you anxious. All you wanted was to take it back and change what you said. You should’ve said “I’d really like to go back to being close friends” or maybe ask him why he avoided you or somethi--

“Did Wanton ask you to tell this to me?” he asked with an accusative tone. “No, why would I agree to that? Even if I did, I’d only agree to say something like that if I really meant it,” your voice getting louder every word.

“So it’s true? You like me? Romantic styles?” You nodded, slightly annoyed that he would think that you would play with his feelings. “Yes, it’s no big deal. I just wanted to tell you, I don’t expect you to like me back. I just- I want you to--”

"I like you too. Romantic styles," he said holding your hand. "That was why I set you up with Loki, why I avoided you after that and why I was avoiding you until you invited me to join you and Pietro. I kinda got a bit… slightly, sort of jealous so I agreed to go with you."

"Wait, hold on, you like me... and you... set me up with Loki? I don't get it"

"I like you and… That doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that you’re happy, and I'll do anything to make you happy,” he said, offering you a small smile.

☆

"Then we kissed and… yeah,” you smiled at your friends’ faltered smiles.

Sam stood up, “Why was everything else so detailed and the kiss was just ‘then we kissed’? What’s that about?” He said, grabbing more food from the table. "And, I fucking told you so, Boinks!"

Bucky rolled his eyes, “Do you wanna hear how I kissed her softl-”

“Excuse me?” You said, raising your eyebrows at your boyfriend. “I kissed you, and it wasn’t soft”

“Y/N stop saying soft!” Peter shouted, covering his ears.

Wanda wiggled her eyebrows, "You didn't come home that night, hun."

"Yeah, I invited her to my place, we had some wine and we just talked for the rest of the night. Nothing happened. Okay? After talking we just slept. That's it,” Bucky defended.

Steve kept nodding his head, “Hence the Instagram story, mhmm, mhmm. Alright.”

“Whatever happened that night, I’m glad it did. And, I’m really really reallyyyyy happy for you, dumbasses,” Nat laughed.

Peter walked to you, “I’m happy for you too, sis. But please, don’t get detailed with… you know. I don’t need to know that.” You laughed, holding his hand. “And Bucky, if you ever hurt my sister, I’ll hunt you down and beat you up,” Peter looked at Bucky squinting his eyes, trying to look intimidating, which made Bucky laugh.

You looked at Bucky, “He’s serious. And very strong. He gave Steve bruises when they were boxing at the gym.” Bucky looked at Steve who was nodding.

“O-oh”

☆

taglist:

@intovert-gone-wild @jbb-bucky0310 @jessicakimba @mariachiii @essenceproxima @cazslaughter @eldahae @rororo06 @bonkyboinkybucky @a-hopeless-fan @danosaurushowell @hannibal-lecters-bitch @ceeellewrites @divainthesun @kseniiafirebrace @k-n-e @adriannajackson @connorhoez @fanfuckingtastic04 @cherthegoddess @captain-america5 @onlyjamesbuchananbarnes @writerwrites @lovinnholland @softboibarnes

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tobebugjewce · 3 years ago

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THE WALTEN FILES: my jumbled notes on my blind run-in with this web series

first off this is gonna be long and unorganized, also this is my second time writing this as i had lost literally half of my progress and im This (imagine two fingers almost touching with a 0.0000000001mm distance between them) close to ripping all of the fucking hair out of my goddamn head. but now this will be extra long and yes, i will lose some accuracy to my first writing but thats okay ill probably edit this a kajillion times over

which brings me to my next tangent; im literally braindumping here. so to have a smidge of organization all afterthoughts, edits and corrections will be boldened, i forgot what im gonna do with italicized text but ill probably bolden it here yeah im pretty sure its for side tangents, separate from Corrections, which are in bold. also theyre for emphasis too.

so in general, this post right here is all of my notes i wrote down on my grid-patterned sticky notes (which i used WAYYYY too much of) about the first 3 uploaded walten files youtube videos transferred onto my handy dandy digital notebook, this b(l)og. yeppers peppers. you know im serious about this shit when i typed probably over like a thousand fucking words including boldened shit, italicized shit and motherfucking links, lost it ALL, and im sitting here re-typing it again.

i feel bad about this but im not gonna trigger warn right here, but this is technically a warning. if you want a list of triggers as to what this post (and the walten files in general) i will link a little list to that here

without further a doo doo, (mama mia) here the fucking fuck we go again.

THE WALTEN FILES - VIDEO #1

clarifying this now, im gonna put some useless shit which i thought was code onto this because even though it was useless it was part of my notes and im physically going to combust if i dont put down every single thing i wrote on my papers. so what i thought was code was in the closed captions, i started writing it down when i got to the second video but came back to my first videos notes to include them. i wrote down the first letter to every word that was capitalized in the closed captions, which i had on as a default because number one i knew going into this id need them because most web horror things like args and cryptic shit like that has some of the most crucial shits in the closed captions. number two i am autistic and have auditory processing issues and have most closed captioning on as a default if theyre available.

firstly jotted, i wrote down the closed captions “code” so im gonna put the rest here too: HYWITB(BSI)Y A(BSI)BJWFKWITW ILHHFSBBSBTLBWI USOISTBNBSFIRBCAWHSHCBWHTAIGRNB*C*BTWLTSFA(20)MCFP ILITIIACPH(1978, 1979)SA(4)YTSCH*C*OGSSU SFTGRPATDBBUTFBNLLCHMIHLBRALLCLAYTUKB*LC*WHATWASTHATTHING

the numbers in parenthesis are there because i wasnt sure they should be included in the “code” or not. i also thought of this with the BSI - bunny smiles incorporated and also the years 1978 and 1979. the shits in asterisks are coughs and light coughs, which were capitalized in the closed captions so i included them too just in case

i then jotted, in parenthesis of course, the names of the animatronics when they were listed in the animation section of the video; bon aka the blue bunny, sha aka the sheep one, boozoo aka the clown<3 honk<33, and banny aka the purpled eyelashed up one who is also a bunny btw. also i got boozoo the clown and boozoo the mustache guy confused because apparently the clowns name is billy???? but they named “boozoo” in bons sleepover and showed the clown? idk maybe im an idiot and theyre the same or just an idiot and theyre different or a super mega (matt and ryan?!?!??) idiot in general which is probably the case

i started drawing little stars to write down things i thought would be super important or to 100% look at again. the first subject of this pointy torture was the part of the video where at 3:00, i marked it down to make sure to reverse the audio as it was most definitely a weird audio that has that signature warp-y effect that makes sure you KNOW its in reverse. i then listened back to it Very carefully (still got it wrong) and got this: “you finally start to remember. that old doll. they will look out for you soon” im also pretty sure i heard “sophie” at the end of that audio but im not entirely sure and dont remember and i dont wanna go back to check lmfao but anyways it didnt matter because i was wrong anyway. after i had finished all 3 walten files i watched the film theory video on the walten files (which didnt cover all 3 but was dece.) out of curiosity and to hear matpats signature silly little voice explain some stuff i already knew, and click some shit in my brain that i couldve thought up of if i was a bit more... i dont know honestly. anyways yeah so the actual audio is “you finally start to remember. that old day. they will look out for you soon.” so yeah. day, not doll.

i then wrote down “sarah evelyn”, the name on the bons sleepover animation (i dont remember if she created it or animated it or whatnot) and scribbled will she matter? under her name. turns out no, as i didnt see her name in the rest of the series, let alone the first video. this is also a great time to mention how matpat theory helped me realize that the walten files are collections of videos, uploaded onto youtube by anthony. (i already knew about anthony as he signed his name in the descriptions of the youtube videos, making me categorize this overall web series more into an arg type genre.) but yes, the tapes, recorded “irl” footage, animated clips, vhs tape recordings and other audio-visual content is all collected and labeled the walten files, as i had mistaken each video to be a tape. stupid me. alrighty, onward!

i starred this one, good for me; MISSING: Jack Walten LAST SEEN: 06/11/1974

i jotted down with an arrow that; sophie was a nightguard? she was wearing the uniform explained in tape 2 i dont know why but i went back into my video 1 notes after i had watched video 2. organization purposes. i guess.??

i then paused the video when the screen flickered a date, the beginning of video footage dated 10/10/1982 (Brian Stells?) god my little genius ass assuming the videographer was brian stells, based on the id card i saw earlier.

i then wrote down what text i saw on the dead, mangled, bloody body in the purple security suit; “i cant feel anything” “he thought i was her” then drew a little arrow pointing to; thought brian was sophie? or ashley? i also starred the name Brian Stells this is totally out of order LMFAOOOOOOOO also i wrote down ashley because, again, my little pea brain went back on my video 1 notes after watching video 2. but yep thats all i wrote for The Walten Files 1 - Company Introductory Tape

THE WALTEN FILES - VIDEO #2

Tape #1 - created 07/02/1978

awesome how thats first and foremost in the captions. god. so sexy of you martin walls. /j /nsx

this pack of notes is chunkier because again, like i have mentioned before i am an absolute goober and thought the capitalized letters of the words would actually mean something. I MEAN MAYBE THEY DO AND IM JUST DOING IT WRONG but i stopped doing it after this video because holy shit it was exhausting and my stupid little fingers couldnt take the writing anymore becasue i am WEAK.

so write off the bat (squeak) i wrote down 197[] the blacked out rectangle over the last digit of that year and everything im also now assuming its probably 1978 or 1974 because lore reasons but whos to say but yeah i also wrote down this;

Tape #2 - created 08/13/1978

then, straight up in the beginning of the video i caught it, the flash of text, as i had by now realized i gotta be SUPER stupid focused on the screen in case i miss anything, i wanted to be crazy precise on my theorizing and mental notes, among other things. but yes i saw it, the first half of a youtube link; “https://youtu”

claps hands together and rubs them evilly. oh yeah baby. thats the hot lunch. this shit right here? the cats pajamas. lets fucking go.

i wrote down this goofy shit i pasued to inspect when i saw bon sorting through a file cabinet and naturally scribbled down the labels and other written things i could see on the files;

relocate X/X/75 felix

storage K-9 07/23/1975 felix k(ranken)

Bons Burgers 06/28/1974 Jack Walten

Shipping Service 1975

New Location -> 1982

i also wrote down more goofy shit, like when banny was created for some reason; in 1974

starred, i noted to go back and reverse the audio at 5:09, when played back, i didnt write it down so i dont remember. lmao.

i also marked to screenshot and brighten the darkened image i saw at 5:20, i was going to do it on my phone then realized i can just do it on my computer so i quickly took a screenshot, brightened it and wrote down what i saw; a missing person poster that read MISSING: SUSAN WOODINGS(?) Last seen: 1974 i was very unsure of the spelling of her last name because the image was so goddamn low quality and grainy but its what i saw. this is where tape #3 gets thrown in, which im gonna type again because i like how the formatting looks;

Tape #3 - created 07/09/1978 (BEFORE tape 2?!//1/1??? its more likely than you think)

i wrote down more dates, any dates i saw, i jotted down. i wrote;

Technical Support 1978

then,

Brian Stells (for some reason i dont remember right now)

alrighty this is where the stupid capitalized letters come in, but before it looks like i vomit a keysmash time infinity on this, ill put down the little inbetween things i wrote in the midst of the caps lockalypse like timestamps and stuff, so here you go;

- Reverse at 8:16 which i did but of course didnt write down what i heard. i think it was too warbled to hear anything clear out of it, or it was just the good ol auditory processing issues fucking me over yet again. WAIT yep yes i did here it is: “rosemary would go to the restaurant every night hoping that [her] beloved husband would reappear after being missing for weeks but no response until one day [s]he heard a voice [saying] ‘i know where he is rosie’ coming from the back stage” the bracketed stuff is the corrections, i misheard the audio and thought the audio said “his”, “he” and “singing” like a nimrod

- Brighten at 10:14 which was another missing person poster, but i dont think it had any information on it because i didnt write it down, just;

- Sophie again (pic at 9:08?) (dismemberd and put in Sha) i was stupid and wrong haha idiot it was rosemary who was put in sha but anywho

i starred and underlined a huge thing i discovered which was;

- Walten had 3 kids which i dont remember how i found out but it doesnt matter, its good important info i uncovered.

- Tape #4 - Unkown Date

- recorded 07/12-07/14 1978

- Hilary B, Ashley P & Kevin W i made sure to get these names down as soon as i saw them on screen but then realized shortly after i wouldnt really need to have it as the closed captions made sure i knew which person was talking by using their first initial (capitalized of course) before each line of text. this is the perfect time to announce the arrival of the clusterfuck of capital letters, which is going to include colons which will indicate that the letter before it is the initial of the person talking. without further aedue, here comes another chinese earthquake;

TCWTSTATO(K-9)TBSSFWFCNEHAWBSUBIUC(BSIIDC)OWHISF INBIJTILNSPL(K-9)LCSCKCCCWTTLTLITTTYROTFAJAMHPYYSTCSPMBBWSBIB H:NTPPCCK:DA:HH:YCPRPMWTCBCRAWK:JH:SYYTCPBACPSTBAWCA:TK(?):FMTTCMK:TCPNOA:DTOFK:ITNPPRA:YBUTIRRFH:HKIBESRAIA:TCK:WA:WPCCFTRRIDPEH:GGK:GPA:LKK:WA:HNCGTKMK:YH:IGKA:ESK:MFH:RK:HILRLBNTRPPUWHITRRTPEIFEPH:YWBEBPK:MAHPBTRPTRPEL(LN)HTACPKLIKHPFITSKLTKLB(LB?)ISIBSUBIPRW AEBATHSPUAICTPURTWBBRPHTRTIIIILTCITCUCCP S(bpe, be)WA”IDCPBPSIB

holy shit its finally over okay now onto some MORE of what i wrote down in between and also after that keysmash attack;

12 doors? (backrooms) 27? 26? i was unsure because ashley was unsure too lmfao

found cassette (6/11/78) <- says “discard”? yeah it did

Tape in clown audio, speaking voice; jack, susan, charles(?), rosemary, sophie, last word sounds like “walrus” it was walten lmfao

Ashley died? yeah she did lmfao OR AT LEAST I THINK SO??

starred this one, Reverse @ 17:06, then got this;

“they left the next day, they thought ashley left early, but she was in the backdoors, screaming as much as she could, but no one heard the screams, the following days the caretakers would complain about an awful smell coming from the backdoors, company decided to shut down facility until new advice, the relocate project was unsuccessful. ashley is still there, but she is not screaming anymore, she saw something she wasnt supposed to see and now shes beautiful” the phrase “shes beautiful” was repeating like a bajillion times in that wall of text. then, god motherfuckng bless:

at 17:23 i found the other half of the youtube link, “.be/k07QqEDOfQ” i pieced that bad boy together as instant as i think any form of ramen could never be, but remained ever patient. because i made sure to jot down this before moving onto my next segment;

@ end of vid 2, “shadow man sees* me when lights go off” im an idiot *it was actually “feeds” not “sees”, which AGAIN, i only found out after watching the stupid little film theory video *begins snarling and foaming at the mouth*

okay im not proud to admit im editing this to post it and realized ive lost my notes. well.

might as well post what ive got! if i find my shit ill add onto this, i suppose.

#the walten files #twf #notes #horror

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lululawrence · 4 years ago

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Annual Writing Self Evaluation

Thank you for the tag @louandhazaf!!! I’m honestly clutching my chest that you tagged me, so thank you xxx especially since i love this little self eval that i think @juliusschmidt came up with all those years ago and we just keep perpetuating it haha

this... is going to get long, though. since it asks me to list my works published this year and that is 24. so. here goes.

1. List of works published this year:

Swerve the Handshake (Nick/Louis)

Need So Much of You (Harry/Louis for @onedirectionbigbang)

You're A (Total) Distraction (girl!direction and hybrid Harry/Louis for @wallsficfest)

Always Keep You Next To Me (Greg/Louis for @wallsficfest)

With Your Hand In Mine (Nick/Louis for @wallsficfest)

Smells Like Omega Spirit (Harry/Louis for @1daboficfest)

If Only We Wish Hard Enough (Harry/Louis for @disneydirectionfest)

Political Pizza (Harry/Louis for @wordplayfics)

Talk the Night Through (Harry/Louis for @wordplayfics)

Wrinkles (Harry/Louis for @1000feelingsfics)

Would You Be My Girlfriend? (girl!direction Harry/Louis for @wordplayfics)

Lately You've Been On My Mind (Harry/Louis for @wordplayfics)

Don't Want It Any Other Way (Harry/Louis for @wordplayfics)

I'm Ready for the Worst (Greg/Louis for @louisandmenfest)

Loving You's the Antidote (Nick/Harry/Louis for @finelineficfest)

Do You Know Who You Are? (Harry/Louis for @finelineficfest)

Don't You Call Him (What You Used To Call Me) (Harry/Louis for @finelineficfest)

Gone Too Long (From You) (Harry/Louis co-written with @fallinglikethis for @finelineficfest)

Just Me and the Stars Can Get Lonely (Niall/Rory McIlroy for @heartbreakweatherficfest)

The Way You Bend the Rules (Niall/Rory McIlroy for @heartbreakweatherficfest)

And Then I Saw His Face (Harry/Louis for @1dtrickortreatfest)

I'mma Give You A Promotion (Nick/Louis)

What You Waiting For? (Nick/Harry for @1000feelingsfics)

(I'm Dreaming of a) One Night Inn (Harry/Louis, Zayn/Liam, Niall/Shawn)

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

every time i think about this question i’ve got a different answer, to be honest. i do think my I Go Down Blazing, Feeling Like I'm Going Crazy series is probably what i’m most proud of, though. as soon as i knew @runaway-train-works was going to be hosting the heartbreak weather fic fest, i knew i wanted to write dear patience, but as the idea grew and grew and more ideas solidified and i realized what the story was turning into, i realized it was so much more than i originally thought and i needed a second song to help me fully get a solid grasp on it. in the end, it was a hard duo of fics to write, mainly because i honestly don’t know much of anything about golf, i was still trying to create fully the way soulmates worked in the world, and there’s just not all that much about rory online to find, so i was winging it haha but i’m so incredibly happy with the world i made and the fics i wrote, even if i don’t know that they’ll ever get to like 200 hits or whatever hahaha i love them.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

uhhhhh you know looking at this list of fics i have, i’m actually proud of every single one for some reason and i don’t know if there’s any of them that i’d even label as “least proud”.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

i hate this question and forget that it is on this list every year lollll let me see if i can find something i really like. okay i found one, it’s from my long grouis haha and i’m apologizing now for it being so long. you can skip ahead to the next question if you like, but i’m just incredibly proud of the banter and the way i wrote this section, PLUS those damn joggers actually happened because he posted a photo of himself wearing them in the shops on instagram and that inspired this entire thing so. enjoy. (i’ve italicized it and indented it to hopefully make it easier to skip it’s so long i’m so sorry)

“It’s safe for you to come back in here,” Louis called out as he closed his computer.

“Thank goodness, I was getting so exhausted of hiding in your bedroom and snooping through all your shit,” Greg said as he walked out wearing a sheet mask and a pair of grey joggers that did nothing to hide what he was packing.

Louis smirked and wanted to say something, but Greg kept going.

“Did you know you have like five different deodorants in there?”

Louis threw his arm on the back of his couch and nodded.

“Why?” Greg asked, throwing himself down onto the couch and placing his stupidly long legs on top of Louis’. “Who legitimately needs five different deodorants? Do they have different uses or something? Some were even women’s deodorants, so I wasn’t sure if they were your sisters’ or what. Oh, and I helped myself to one of your fancy toners. It had rosewater in it or something.”

“Well, for the deodorants I just like trying different scents and I switch them up based on my mood. And actually, the one I use most often is a women’s deodorant. It works great. Plus I smell fresh and clean like baby powder all day.” Louis shrugged. “And that wasn’t my toner. Dunno who left it. Just showed up one day and no one says it’s theirs, so I kept it. It’s quite nice, isn’t it? Lotts said it’s supposed to help even out the PH balance of my skin or some shit, but I’ll be fucked if I know what that actually means.”

“Oh, that does sound fancy,” Greg agreed, checking the time on his phone. “I’ve got five more minutes on this mask, don’t let me forget. Don’t want to leave it on so long it burns my skin off or summat.”

“Sure,” Louis said, laughing. “So are you actually wearing anything under these or are you just that excited to see me?”

“Eh?” Greg asked before looking down at his crotch. Of course, now he was sitting down it didn’t show anything. “What are you on about?”

“Stand back up and look in a mirror, mate,” Louis said, laughing. “You’re dick was trying to tell me hello a minute ago.”

“I didn’t tell it to do that,” Greg muttered as he shifted so he could stand back up again. He walked into Louis’ bedroom, and Louis could hear when he’d seen himself. “Oh my God, that’s obscene! Does it always look like that when I wear these?”

Louis laughed and walked into his bedroom to see Greg’s eyes wide as he shifted himself around and walked a bit, appalled that no matter what he did, nothing seemed to make it any less there.

“I wouldn’t know, I’ve never seen you in those. You usually nick a pair of mine,” Louis reminded him. “Do you wear them without pants often?”

“I never wear pants with these,” Greg said, rubbing his forehead. “Fuck, I’ve likely given that nan that lives below me too many looks at my cock without even realising it. They’re my softest, most favorite pair of joggers! I wear them to the shops when I’m too knackered to get fully dressed!”

As Greg continued to narrate the various escapades he’d had over the years in the joggers without even realising what he’d been doing, Louis settled onto his bed, propping himself up on his elbow so he could still watch Greg as he motioned about in distress.

When it was clear Greg wouldn’t be stopping anytime soon, Louis pulled out his phone and started filming. There was no one he could share this with, but it would be good for a laugh later on.

“Fuck, and you didn’t remind me to take off my mask!” Greg cried, rushing back into the bathroom to remove the sheet mask and do whatever else he had to do when he used them.

Greg was proper obsessed with them, said they were relaxing and kept his skin soft. Louis just liked knowing they were one of Greg’s things, like taking regular baths with a bottle of wine and perusing various adoption websites for dogs he could possibly give a good home to.

“Sorry, love,” Louis said, as Greg walked back out of the bathroom. He really was sorry, but he also couldn’t pass up the opportunity to keep taking the piss. Greg was too much fun to rile up. “Was distracted by your big dick flopping about whilst you remembered all the good times you’d had in the joggers.”

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

i’ve had a few this year that told me they don’t usually read that pairing or they don’t usually comment on fics, but for various reasons they gave the pairing a try or wanted to comment because of something specific and those were particularly lovely. that said, every comment is so so great, they really do boost me up to see them and i need to do better with getting my anxiety in hand and responding to them regularly.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

this entire damn year, man. all of the time i’d carefully carved out for myself over the past few years to write was basically blown to shit with the pandemic, which also was so exhausting it didn’t leave me with much energy to write. but i still somehow posted 24 fics?? i dunno, dude. i think writing saved me and gave me something to look forward to, tbh.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

most of my advent fic, tbh lollll a lot that was in there wasn’t really brainstormed ahead of time, it just happened, and i forgot some of the details even because i just flat out didn’t remember what i’d put in there, so i’m STILL surprised haha i love when fics happen like that

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

i always think of challenges as fun and then i look back and wonder if i was insane because i thought it would be fun to try something new but it was mostly really fucking hard haha i wrote a lot of pairings and combinations of tropes this year that i never have before as well as stretching myself with writing emotions and situations i never have before, so i’m quite proud of myself for continuing to push the envelope and try new things like that.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

i mostly hope that i’ll be able to carve more time out for myself as things HOPEFULLY settle down a bit more. i might not be as impulsive when it comes to choosing things to write at that point, but we’ll see. lol

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

i... hmm. there’s a lot of people i’m thinking of right now, but it’s hard to choose just one. i think actually there were two and they were @louandhazaf and @disgruntledkittenface. i very much admire both of them for their own writing and works, but i am particularly inspired by how many pairings they write and the variety of fics they have posted. it’s definitely because of them that i’ve tried writing a lot of the pairings that i have, and that’s before you even start to look at the help they’ve given me with betaing certain fics (usually rare pairs lollll). they’re just both so supportive and open to so many things, and i am so much more open to all sorts of things because of them. i CANNOT answer this without mentioning the Write Your Way Out GC either, though. Y’all are my crew in SO many ways and you let me rely on you in every way through this past year. it really does take a village, doesn’t it?

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

lmao i’m sure. but all i’m thinking of at the moment are the tumblr posts and canon compliant shit i based the fics on, so nothing off the top of my head apparently haha

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

hell if i know. maybe just... write for yourself. i think that’s why i’m so proud of every fic i wrote this year. i really was writing for me and if others like it too? bonus.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

my big bang!!! that’s the big one. i’m so excited for it. i have a whole list of other fics, too, though. hahaha i’m also super SUPER excited for both of my omega harry fics to post hehe

14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read.

@becomeawendybird @sadaveniren @londonfoginacup

*All answers should be about works published in 2020. Also, you can skip any questions you hate or don’t want to answer, but please leave them on the list so that others can do them if they want.

#mine #2020 writing meme #self eval #writing self eval #writing stuff

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halstudandruz · 5 years ago

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Social Distancing (NSFW)

*Not my gif*

Pairing: Kevin Atwater x Reader

Prompt: “Another Kevin story” reader is having a hard time social distancing

Warnings: smut (18+), swearing, daddy kink, sexting

A/N: Your texts are italicized, Kevin’s are bolded. Be careful and stay healthy out there guys. Wash your hands and practice social distancing. I don’t want to see any of you sick! Also this somehow turned into a slight daddy kink thing oops.

“Seriously Kev what am I supposed to do all day.” You whined from your bed as Kevin got dressed for work.

“I don’t know...enjoy your time off?” He smirked, amusement on his face looking at you in the mirror as he pulled his shirt on.

“I would enjoy it much more if you took that shirt off and climbed back into this bed.” You wiggled your eyebrows at him as he turned to face you.

“As much as I would love to and believe me I would,” he looked at you slight lust in his features before shaking it off, “some of us are still essential. Criminals don’t stop cause of a virus.” He sighed sitting on the bed to pull his shoes on. Groaning you shoved your face into a pillow making him chuckle.

“Oh! I forgot. I got you some hand sanitizer and vitamins they’re on the kitchen counter. Make sure you put them in your desk.” You informed. Coming around to your side of the bed he leaned down to place a soft kiss on your lips.

“Thank you babe. I will.” He picked up his bag to head out.

“Kevin.” You scolded him, making him sigh.

“I will baby. I promise. Have a good day. Just relax!” He scolded back heading out the door. Huffing you relaxed back into your bed turning the TV on to occupy your attention. You had been sucked into an episode of How I Met Your Mother when your phone vibrated beside you. Rolling over you opened it to see a text from Kevin.

“The hand sanitizer has somehow become a shared bottle.” He sent with a picture of the bottle sitting on Mouse’s desk at the front of the room, a few people gathered around it before another text came through, “also, Ruzek wants to know why you didn’t get him any vitamins.” Chuckling you typed back a reply,

“I’ll get him some on my next grocery run promise. Also remind your colleagues of the six feet apart rule. If you get anything you're quarantining in the guest room.” You teased.

“Totally understandable.” He answered. Shaking your head with a small smile you abandoned your phone back to your night stand focusing your attention back on the tv.

A few hours had passed before you started going a little stir crazy. You had no more rooms to clean in your house; they were already spotless from last week. Not that you weren’t enjoying your time off but you needed to think of something to do. Remembering that you needed to clean your phone up a little you started doing some maintenance. Deleting some games and old apps you hadn’t used in a while, clearing out your notes folder before moving onto your pictures. You had a habit of screenshotting things to send to people and forgetting to delete them. You were about five minutes in before you had reached your “Kevin” album. Also known as the hidden album. You had honestly forgotten you even had them on your phone since they weren’t in your regular pictures and since you moved in with him three months ago you two hadn’t had any reason to send pictures anymore. But looking back at them you were damn glad you had saved them. Immediately feeling heat spread through your body at the pictures and videos you had saved over the years. Squirming in your bed you pulled Kevin’s messages back up.

“Hey..you guys busy?” You asked and he answered almost immediately.

“No, we’ve been inside all day. They don’t want us out unless it’s a big case.” He explained.

“Soooo.. are you like around people?” You continued.

“I’m...at my desk? So I guess so?” You could practically hear the confusion over his texts.

“Oh good cause I need your help.” You stated.

“With what?” He asked. You pushed the blanket down that covered you to your thighs leaving you laying openly in your bra and panties as you snapped a picture sending it off to your boyfriend without an explanation. “Babe.” He stated simply.

“Kev, please. I miss you and I found pictures of you on my phone and I’m so horny now.” You explained wishing the whine of your words would come out in text. Knowing he’d give in if he could hear you beg.

However, apparently he could imagine the whine in his head cause not long after he replied,

“This has got to be quick.” Smiling you trailed your hand down to tease yourself outside of your panties. Fingers lightly tracing over your slit. Adjusting yourself so you could still text with the other hand.

“Already started, just need you to get me there baby.” You replied.

“You’re so needy, interrupting me at work like this. So bad. You know that?” He began.

“Yes. I’m sorry. Just need you.” You typed.

“You’re my girl. Only I should get to see you. Anyone could’ve seen that picture. Being risky aren’t you baby? You’re gonna get so punished for this when I get home.” Sighing at his words you began to rub harder feeling the dampness already starting to accumulate.

“How?” You urged.

“Gonna tease you so bad. Make you so wet without even touching your pussy. Gonna kiss all over your body except your pussy. Then I’m gonna make you suck this dick. Since your so good at it and you’re gonna let me fuck that pretty mouth of yours. Maybe I’ll cum all over your pretty face or maybe I’ll bend you over the counter and fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk tomorrow. Would that be a good punishment or would you like that too much?” Whimpering as you read the words you snuck your hand into your panties starting to rub soft circles around your clit, spreading the wetness from between your legs.

“Oh god Kev. Want you to fuck my mouth so bad. Love tasting your dick.” You said.

“I know you do. And you’re so good at it too princess. Love hearing you moan when my cock is shoved down your throat too. Makes me wanna cum right then and there. Take those panities off. Put those fingers to work gorgeous.” Swallowing hard you followed his instructions using your free hand to push your panties down your legs kicking them to the side and spreading your legs wider. Slowly pushing a single finger into your pussy, increasing the speed with each thrust before adding a second. The amount of wetness making it easy.

“Wish these were your fingers filling me up.” You texted.

“Me too baby. Love taking care of that pretty pussy of yours. Love tasting it and filling it up.. You always take me so well princess. Always know how to please daddy. How to keep daddy begging for more don’t you?” Moaning at his words the speed of your fingers increased curling up to find your sweet spot, hips jolting up once you did. Your mind filled with images of Kevin. How his mouth feels when it’s all over you, fingers thrusting hard and purposefully into your pussy driving you towards the edge so well, how his cum feels when it fills you up, these thoughts kept running through your mind as you began to to ride your hand and rub your clit with your thumb willing yourself to believe Kevin’s fingers were the ones bringing you to your peak.

“Love feeling your dick deep in me daddy. Fuck, I’m close Kev.” You warned.

“Love knowing I can make you cum with just a few words. Love knowing I can make that pussy wet so easily baby. Come on babygirl. Cum for daddy. Just like you would all over my fingers. Don’t be quiet on me either.” He encouraged. Between his words and the old video of him cumming you had playing on your phone your muscles tensed hard before the pleasure unraveled throughout your body. Dropping your phone to your side your eyes shut tightly, Free hand now gripping your sheets as your hips bucked up riding out your high, thighs shaking while you moaned out Kevin’s name loudly even though he was nowhere to be seen or heard. Only realizing how fucked and in love he actually had you as you laid, panting trying to get your sense of the world back. Picking your phone back up you laughed to yourself,

“Thanks, baby.” You sent with a kissy face emoji.

“Anything for my girl. You better be damn ready for me when I get home though. I wasn’t kidding.” He sent with a winky face.

”Always ready for that dick of yours..” You replied truly meaning it and already wishing the hours away.

#kevinatwaterxreader #kevin atwater x reader #kevin atwater imagine #kevin atwater #kevin atwater smut #chicago pd imagine #chicago pd x reader #chicago pd smut #chicago pd

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shualogy · 4 years ago

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in the city of angels | joshua

⟹genre: angst? maybe a little bit of fluff? mostly angst?

⟹pairing: joshua x female y/n

⟹warnings: cheating, guilt, mentions of non explicit sexy times, mentions of alcohol

⟹word count: 1.7k

⟹summary: Joshua moves to Korea but you try to make it work.

⇒ author’s note: this imagine is heavily based off of la la lost you by niki (the acoustic version>>>>>) the lyrics are italicized and in brackets and I highly recommend listening to the song while reading to make it hurt more,, just want to say who HURT me ,, anyways I hope you enjoy

[While I’m on sunset are you on the subway?]

You breathe in the salty ocean air and release it through a sigh. Wiggling your toes in the sand, you lean forward to hug your knees. The sea breeze gives you a chill and you pull your jacket tighter around your body.

You wonder what time it is over there, if he’s heading to practice or a concert or some other scheduled event right about now. Snapshots of you and Joshua flash every time you close your eyes. The time you went stargazing together during the summer and talked for hours. The hot summer days you spent marathoning anime in his bedroom and the popcorn fights that would lead into sweet kisses and giggles. The times where he would practice playing the guitar, humming random melodies while you read a book and glanced at him every so often. The days of sneaking around and stealing quick kisses in empty supermarket aisles or at empty bus stops. The evenings of dancing in your kitchen while baking cookies or trying to teach him how to cook which ended with burnt pots and pans and empty take out containers piled in the trash. The nights of scary movies that turned into cuddles and pillow talks. The day he was scouted. The day he left.

[You would know if you stayed

You would know if you put up a fight]

You promised each other to call everyday. You would send him letters and videos when he was too busy to call. “Y/N look at this dog I found!” or “I saw this today and it made me think of you” texts would wake you up. Good mornings, I love you, I miss you voice messages tasted bittersweet leaving your mouth. Your mornings were his nights, his nights were your mornings. You would spend your early mornings trying to help his mind calm down from the fears that kept him awake and he would spend his early mornings wishing luck and encouragements for you.

However, life inevitably caught up to the both of you. With you starting school and his training becoming harder, calls became less frequent. Soon the only texts that were exchanged were a curt “goodnight, love you.” Both of you fell into an uncomfortable silence. It was nothing like the silence you would fall into when you would be laying in his lap and he would be playing with your hair. It was a deafening roar of a love that had begun to burn out.

With a break from his training coming up, you promised to call him. You look at the time, making sure it was early enough for him not to be in practice nor too late to keep him up at night. You opened up your laptop, nervous but excited as the skype tones rang.

“Y/N? What’s up? Did you need something?” He looked terrible. His eyes looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

“No I was just calling you like I promised to since you’re on a break. So how’s training been, have you had good food lately? I read this book the other day and I can’t wait to tell you about it and-”

“That sounds really good babe but I’m kind of in the middle of practice.”

You paused. “I thought you were on a break?”

He sighed, and ran his hand through his sweaty hair. “I was supposed to be but evaluations are coming up and I need to work on this one choreography.”

A little hurt that he forgot, you bit your lip then said, “Oh I can just call you when you’re done with practice if that’s ok-”

“I don’t know what time I’ll be done, it might be late for you.” He cut you off.

“I can stay up, I don’t mind. Is everything okay?” You could hear the bass of muffled music in the background. You could hear yelling and every so often Joshua would wince at the loud sounds.

“Joshua? You can tell me anything, we’re in this together remem-“

“Of course nothing is okay!” He explodes. He runs both of his hands through his hair, resting on them as angry tears gathered in his eyes.

“We aren’t in this together anymore! I’m the one who moved across the globe to become a trainee in a group that I don’t even know will work out! I’m tired and exhausted and God, Y/N I knew this was going to be hard but I didn’t think it would be this hard.”

As the screen became blurred with the tears in your eyes, you ask with the smallest voice, “Joshua what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I can’t do this anymore.”

[Your toes turn blue in winter, I'm gettin' red, rum]

Weeks pass and suddenly it’s winter. It’s been awhile since you’ve talked to Joshua, both of you deciding you need a break from each other indefinitely. Your friends drag you out to a house party, saying it’ll be good for you to get out of the house. You head over to the kitchen with your friends to grab a drink. Someone hands you a red cup with god knows what and you throw your head back as the drink burns as it goes down. The warmth quickly spreads through your body, beginning with your chest. Satisfied, you head outside to get some fresh air.

Over in Korea, the snow has piled up and the temperature is at a record breaking low. Joshua exhales, pulling his scarf tighter around him as his breath forms a cloud. He sees some lights across the river and thinks, Oh I should take a picture for Y/N, she would love this. But then he remembers. Then he regrets.

[I’m missin' our drunken 2 A.M. strolls in K-Town]

“Joshua shhhhh we’re gonna get caught!” You giggled as you tugged your boyfriend’s arm out your back door. He stumbles out the door and laughs. With a smile, he plants a kiss on your lips.

Somehow, the two of you ended up wandering the streets of Korea town. Warm with the alcohol in your system and with the warmth of your boyfriend, the universe seemed to fall into place.

You shake your head. No, that’s the past. It’s a chilly night out and you curse yourself for not bringing a jacket. Shivering, you let out a deep sigh and ignore the heat in your cheeks as tears being to well up in your eyes.

“Hey you seem cold, you can borrow my jacket if you like?” You turn and meet eyes with someone new.

[And fuckin' on Brooklyns in Brooklyn Your Chelseas in Chelsea Hope that eases the pain, so you remember to miss me]

Tired of training, tired of working, tired of everything, Joshua heads out to a party being thrown by someone’s friend’s brother. He didn’t know who but he didn’t care.

Joshua knows this is wrong. He knows he could get in so much trouble for this. But in the moment, with her lips on his and his hands on her hips, it doesn’t matter to him. He ignores the nagging voice in his head that tells him he could get caught. He ignores how her hands aren’t like yours and how his body doesn’t fit with hers like a puzzle piece. He ignores that she doesn’t kiss him the way you did. For now he just needed something, someone to get you out of his mind.

[And you sold your car, now you walk for miles Bet your feet feel numb]

Joshua wakes up the next morning with a headache and his heart still empty. He sits up in bed, replaying the events of last night. His mouth tastes sour but not from the alcohol. Sighing and ignoring the gnawing feeling at his chest, he chugs a glass of water and gets ready for the day. The dorm is almost empty, save for a few members still milling about. He decides to head out early for practice to give him some time and space with his thoughts. He takes the long way, walking through parks and neighborhoods to try to get the guilt out of his system.

[All my demons run wild All my demons have your smile In the city of angels, in the city of angels]

As nice as it sounded to go home with the stranger you met at the party, you and Joshua haven’t officially broken up yet. But then you start to see the stranger everywhere. At school, at work, and you begin to wonder if you’re being tempted, if the universe is saying it’s time to move on. He makes you laugh, smile, all of these things you’ve been missing in your life. However, you still remember Joshua. Your Joshua. You remember the way his lips turned up at the corners and how you could tell when he wanted to kiss you. And he would. Over and over again. You decide to go for a walk to clear your mind. You pass by the streets you used to walk with Joshua and wonder when they began to change.

[Hope it holds you like I do While my demons stay faithful In the city of angels]

“Shua-hyung, is everything okay? You’ve been off lately.” Chan asks as they stretch before dance warm ups. Seungkwan elbows the younger who is oblivious to Joshua’s situation.

“Everything is fine” Joshua assures him. Everything is in fact, not fine. Guilt threatens to swallow him whole but he pushes it aside. He came to Korea to train and become an idol. He’s realizing how selfish he’s been, and how selfish he has to be if he wants to make this work. Although the lump in his throat stays, he bottles all the other feelings down. He knows what he has to do. And he hates himself for it.

[Pretty little white lies got me good Thought this was love, I was misunderstood]

You pick up your phone and to your surprise, it’s Joshua.

“Hello?”

“Y/N, hey it’s been awhile.”

You bite your lip wondering if he’s finally decided what future of two of you looked like.

“What’s up Joshua?”

“Y/N, I have to tell you something.”

__________________________________________

[If I'm honest, I'd call, but I'm trying to let go]

You’re devastated when you get your exam score back. You could have sworn you studied everything the professor gave you but still, you failed. That’s how school has been lately. College has become a new type of hard and you aren’t used to failing so often. Tears blur your eyes as you cry in frustration about your grades. You pick up your phone, knowing exactly who can comfort you, who knows what to say. But you never press call.

[And I hope you're happy, livin' life in taxis But you'll always have me, you'll always have me]

“Y/N, I have something to tell you.” Sighing, Joshua tells you about that winter night. You can hear the regret in his voice.

You’re angry and hurt but also realize that you’ve grown so far apart. You’re relieved and heartbroken but maybe it’s for the best. Your words don’t meet his ears and his smile doesn’t reach his eyes. It’s been like this for far too long. You’re tired. He’s tired.

“Maybe it’s best if we don’t talk anymore Josh,” you said in between hiccups. You swallow the lump in your throat and ignore the the bone crushing feeling in your chest.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry, I truly am. Thank you for the love and memories. I wish you the best, Y/N.”

“Goodbye Joshua.”

If you thought about it hard enough, your fingertips could feel the fuzz of his cheek. If he thought about it hard enough, he could smell your shampoo and feel the pads of your fingertips against his cheek. However, you couldn’t reach each other.

__________________________________________

[And I hope you're happy, livin' life in taxis But you'll always have me]

It’s been 5 years since you last talked to Joshua. After some time, you began to date again but no one quite made you feel the swelling in your chest that you longed for. It’s okay though, you’ve become content with the life you’ve made for yourself. You heard Joshua debuted in a group called seventeen and as much as it hurt, you couldn’t help but smile and be happy for him. You’d still feel a pang in your chest everytime someone mentioned him. You wish things didn’t turn out this way.

You look back over the water and watch as the sun kisses the ocean goodbye. You get up, deciding it’s time to go home. You wipe as much of the sand as you can off of you. After taking one last glance of the fading sun, you take a deep breath and turn around to walk back to your car.

“Y/N?”

“Joshua?”

Your heart begins to swell.

[you'll always have me]

#joshua #joshua hong #joshua angst #hong jisoo #jisoo #angst #i am Sorry #but not really #joshua oneshot #seventeen one shot #seventeen joshua #joshua scenarios #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #seventeen aus

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radiosteve · 5 years ago

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Need Your Loving Tonight Ch. 18

Summary: Following your decision on John’s proposal, you decide that it’s time for a heart to heart with Roger.

Note: Hope everyone enjoys this one. The next chapter is going to be a big one so get ready. As always, the italicized part is the reader’s thoughts. The photo is one that I found on google. I do not own any rights to it. If you want to be added to the taglist send me a message or an ask and I’ll add you!

Warnings: Language, Angst

Pairing: Roger Taylor x Reader, John Deacon x Reader

Words: 3.4k+

November 11, 1974

You rose with the sun that morning, relishing in its cold glare through the icy windowpane as you lay in your bed for just a few minutes more. The empty space next to you seemed odd, but you knew it was for the best. Untwining yourself from the tangle of sheets around you, your feet hit the cool wood floors, wading across them to get ready for the day ahead. It was going to be a long day, full of questions from coworkers and friends all about your seemingly eventful and long weekend.

Sally dropped you off on her way to work this morning, telling you it was too cold to walk. But you knew that it was more so a desperate attempt to get you really talking. She knew that your head was comparable to a warzone at the moment and just wanted to help lift the heavy weight from your chest. But still you persisted, stubborn and silent in the front seat of Sally’s car as the wheels ground into the pavement. Sally pulled into the lot beside the bank and shifted into park before turning to look at you. You had already begun to grab your things and open the car door when her hand reached out to stop you.

“Y/n,” Sally’s voice was quiet, as if she was scared to speak to you. “You know that you can tell me everything, right?” her eyes desperately roamed over yours, trying to sense any semblance of emotion within them. To see if you truly were alive under there.

“I know,” you faked smiled as you spoke and stepped out of the car before quickly closing the door and rushing towards the bank. You heard Sally roll down her window and call out to you, telling you that she’d pick you up when you got off later before you managed to take out your keys and unlock the front bank door. You were working the opening shift this morning along with Carol and one other girl. You moved quickly across the lobby and stepped into the back room where you noticed Carol fixing her hair in her tiny compact mirror. She stopped dead in her tracks as soon as she saw you enter, closed her compact and rushed towards you. Carol enveloped you in her arms, hugging you close to her body as you dropped your purse to hug her back. Oh god, not again.

“Oh my god!” she shouted, her face a mixture of shock and thoughtfulness. “I honestly can’t believe it,” she shook her head as she spoke.

“Me neither, this all seems so surreal,” your words echoed all the many other times you’d been put into similar conversations throughout the weekend.

“Well,” Carol started, pushing back from her hug to grab for your hands. “Let me see it!” she spoke excitedly, and a wide toothy grin appeared on your face. You lifted up your left hand, showing off the sparkling diamond ring that John had placed there after you cheerily accepted his proposal. “Oh, it’s so beautiful! I’m so excited for you,” Carol squealed as she examined the ring. It was small but it was still gorgeous, and you knew it was the best John could afford at the moment, given his musician’s salary. Carol dropped your hand slowly and moved back over towards her stuff, giving you a chance to take off your jacket. “Was that the husband to be that dropped you off earlier?” Carol resumed fixing her hair in the compact as she asked.

“No, that was my friend Sally. John didn’t spend the night yesterday. He’s been stuck with the boys since Saturday doing promotions for the new album. He slept at his apartment last night,” you picked up your purse from the ground and placed it on the table before you, beginning to unload it.

“Oh, that’s right. I almost forgot about their new album with all the marriage talk right now. I picked up a copy of it after work on Friday,” Carol spoke, and you nodded. “They’re pretty good. I might have to go with you to see them when they go on tour,” she smiled and you reciprocated it before heading out of the room, preparing for the busy workday ahead.

----------------------------

Sally picked you up from work just as she said she would, and you greeted her with a tight-lipped smile.

“In the mood to talk yet?” she asked as she quirked an eyebrow. “Or will this drive be just as quiet as the one this morning?” Sally looked over at you before darting her eyes back towards the road.

“I just wasn’t sure what to say,” you spoke softly, eyes locked on the road ahead. The soft glow of red from the stop light above highlighting your skin the words fled your lips. “I mean, I’ve definitely thought about my decision more in depth and I still think that I made the right choice,” Sally was looking at you as a soft drizzle began to beat down on the windshield of her car. The light turned green and the car slowly lurched forward down the street.

“I just want to make sure that you’re happy, love. That you’ve made the best choice and explored all possible outcomes before committing yourself to anything as serious as marriage,” Sally’s eyes were fixed on the road, but you slowly turned your gaze towards her.

“All possible outcomes?” you questioned, feeling a familiar guilt grow deep in your stomach as you repeated Sally’s words. The car stopped at another light and Sally stared deeply into your eyes. The drizzle outside slowly came down harder until it became full on rain.

“Roger,” she spoke simply, gaze still locked on you. “What is going on between you and him, whatever you feel for each other, you need to figure it the fuck out before you get married,” Sally spoke straightly to you and if it was someone else, you may have taken offense. But this was Sally, she knew you better than anyone else (besides Brian). And you knew that she was right, no matter how much you didn’t want her to be.

You were going to have to talk to Roger, to sort out everything between the two of you within the next few days. You would have to do the one thing you’d been avoiding throughout the entire weekend. You had to confront Roger. And for the moment, you felt just the rain falling outside, heavy and dangerous.

November 13, 1974

The room had grown dark around you, the only source of light came from the flickering television across the room. The sun had still been out when you sat down on the couch, waiting for him to arrive, but the hours passed, and the light dwindled. The old black and white movie flashing over the small screen told some tale of romance, one that you didn’t care to follow. Instead of paying attention to the television, your focus was more so on the nervousness that you felt building up within you. Your thumb rose to your lips and you proceeded in your habit of biting at the cuticles resting around the nail. If Sally was here, she’d probably slap your hand away, trying to salvage any remnant of nail polish left behind, but she wasn’t here. No one was. Except you.

A knock radiated throughout the room and you almost felt like you were imagining it. You’d waited so long, thought so hard about what to say, only to freeze up when the moment finally arrived. Your knees cracked as you stood up from the couch, feeling the tension relieved after sitting still for so long. With small steps, you approached the door, taking deep breaths as you did so. You swung the door inwards, coming face to face with the man that had been clogging your head. Roger Taylor. He offered you a small smile and you returned it. You flicked on the lights, illuminating your apartment’s living room and drowning out the light from the television as Roger entered.

Roger sat down in his usual chair, trying his best not to seem awkward but failing miserably. You sat back in your previous spot which no doubt had a small indentation from you sitting there for so long. The air between the two of you was thin and silent, creating a tension so thick that you felt like you could barely see. Like a fog had eclipsed the room in a curtain so specific to this one area. The sound from the movie playing on the television proved to be the only noise between the two of you until Roger finally spoke up.

“I’ve seen this before,” he said dryly, but still effectively breaking the ice. “This is the one where the girl falls in love with two guys. They both try to win her heart the best they can,” his words were quiet, as if he felt like he shouldn’t be here, like he was going to disturb someone by talking louder.

“Who does she choose? I mean, who does she end up with?” you asked, trying to flow with any conversational topic.

“I don’t really remember actually. I think she ends up with the quiet, brooding one, but I can’t remember how,” he looked towards his hands folded in his lap, avoiding your eye line the best he could. The two of you sat in silence for a few more minutes after that, both acting like you were invested in the movie. “Why did you ask me to come here?” Roger’s voice broke through the air, pulling your half-glazed stare from the film playing before you.

“I- uh, I wanted to talk to you. I needed to talk to you,” you began and looked over at Roger only to find him staring back at you. He nodded slightly, pushing you to continue on as he listened. “A lot has happened in the past week, with me, with you, with everybody it seems. And I feel like I need to clear some things up, to get them off my chest before anything else changes too,” Roger’s eyes were still fixed on you and you felt your heart pounding beneath your ribcage, begging to be let out.

“That’s probably a good idea. I don’t think we’ve talked much in a while. You always seem to be busy whenever I try,” he flashed you a sad smile and trained his gaze back towards the floor. A sigh escaped your lips as you gazed over towards him. Roger’s hair laid perfectly around his face, framing it to best highlight his cheekbones. His hair was lighter now, as if he’d been out in the sun all day, but you knew it wasn’t from that. Roger’s large blue eyes still faced the wooden floorboards despite the desperate pleading gaze that offered. His eyelashes floated up and down as he blinked every few seconds, touching his cheek with every downward movement. You just wanted him to look at you. To see you the way you saw him. To clear your chest of any unspoken feelings and move on. You just wanted to rid yourself of this terrible feeling that lines the walls of your stomach each time you think of him. And little did you know, he wanted all of those things too.

“Roger,” you spoke softly, trying to attain his attention. He hummed a response but still avoided peering up from the ground. His nerves and fear of rejection took over despite his want for it not to. “Please look at me,” your words funneled through his ears, slowly lifting him upright in his seat. The blue of his eyes floated over your figure, slowly leading up to your face until he stopped. The two of you now sitting eye to eye.

“Yes, love?” he nearly whispered it, and you felt a chill run down your spine. The feeling that you were doing something wrong, something that you shouldn’t, overtook you.

“There are things I need to say, things I need to do before I can move on and ‘grow up’, you know? And it’s terrifying. The way people feel, the way I feel, all of it seems to progress and grow so quickly that sometimes you just lose track of it along the way,” you spoke rapidly, all the words coming out in one jumbled mess. “I never thought that this would be where my life took me. London, I mean. I always kind of pictured myself moving to New York after I graduated. Living in a small apartment downtown, going out every weekend, watching tourists go through Times Square. I saw it all so clearly before. But then I moved here, and I know that all of that was wrong. That I belonged here in London, not New York. Do you get what I’m saying?” You continued rambling on while Roger’s eyes stayed trained on you.

“No, not really. Why did you need to tell this to me?” Roger’s eyebrows were furrowed in confusion and his head shook from side to side, but his attention was still matted onto you. The television playing in the background was long forgotten as his ears focused solely on you.

“What I mean is that things change. People, feelings, they all change over time. And I’m talking about you. My feelings have changed for you,” the word vomit flooded from your mouth leaving Roger with wide eyes and parted lips.

“Your feelings for me have changed how?” he asked, trying to readjust his expression as he did so. Trying to eliminate any look that resembled hope on the off chance that your words would be negative.

“Well, you’re very much aware that I used to like you, hence us sleeping together in the past,” Roger nodded, feeling a tug at his heart as he remembered that night so vividly in his mind. “And after that I became a little resentful of you because of how badly you ended up hurting my feelings,” you still looked at Roger despite the nervousness that now filled your bones.

“I know and I’m so sorry. I was a total ass and I never should have used you like that,” he was telling the truth, you knew that from the look on his face.

“I know, Rog,” you gave him a small smile which he returned. “But then things started to get better, we became closer as friends and hung out more. The band even started to take off, which was great. Then John came into the picture and you started getting a little distant. I mean we didn’t talk for a while and there was that fight we had at the one Christmas party, and that really sucked,” a small tear prickled its way along your lash line, threaten to fall. “But, you know, sometimes feelings linger. Sometimes they come back even when you don’t want them to. And I’m happy with John. I love him, I’m in love with him. But sometimes I get this feeling that it’s not supposed to be me and him. Instead, when I’m feeling like that, I think that it’s you. That it’s supposed to be me and you in the end, not John,” the tears spilled over your cheeks, smearing what little makeup you had on and dropping down into your lap. Your faded red pants now stained with wet droplets of tears as your chest heaved and your clouded eyes tried to stay focused on Roger.

“I-I don’t know what to say,” Roger was rendered speechless. No snarky remarks, no snappy comebacks, or retaliations of any kind. It was like he suddenly forgot how to speak.

“Please, Rog. Just say something. Tell me how you feel,” your pleading eyes bore into him, searching for anything to grab onto. An expression, a look, anything.

“How lo- how long have you felt this way? Felt like we would end up together,” his voice was quiet and unreadable. Your chest shook slightly as you took in another ragged breath.

“Probably since we started getting close again after sleeping together. You weren’t hanging around with as many girls and you really seemed to care about me. It made me feel like I could trust you again,” your heart was pounding as each syllable left the tip of your tongue, plunging out into the open space between you and Roger.

“You waited that long to tell me?” his eyes now matched yours, filling with tears as he spoke, trying to look through them to see you. You nodded a response, finding your throat too choked up from the crying to speak. “I could have had you,” his words were gentle, making the blood pumping through your veins quicken ever so slightly. “I could have had you all this time. Long before we met John. Way before you started dating, and ages before the two of you fell in love. You could have been mine, Y/n,” the tears pouring down his face fell into his hair which now looked messier than before.

“I still can be, Rog. That’s why you’re here, that’s why I’m telling you this. Because feelings change, but mine never did. Not really. I still love you. I’m pretty sure that I always have,” the words fell from your lips rapidly, desperately attempting to make Roger understand.

“No, no, no. You’re in love with John. You’re dating John. You’re engaged to John. There is no point in your narrative where I come in,” Roger shifted in his seat clearly uncomfortable now.

“But there could be! Don’t you understand? Yes, I’m in love with John but I’m also in love with you! I could end my engagement if need be. I just want a chance. A chance with you. To see where we could end up. To know of all feasible possibilities!” you stood from the couch, now towering over Roger as you spoke, your tears spilling onto the floor.

“But that’s not how it works! You don’t just get to try me on for size because you’re afraid that your relationship won’t work out. I’m not some toy for you to play with! If you felt this way all along then you would have acted on it long before John came along. And as for exploring possibilities, you can’t always get what you want,” Roger stood up from his chair, moving towards the door, far away from you. “I don’t know what your agenda is, what your plan is, but if it involves hurting the people you supposedly love, then I suggest you shut that shit down,” Roger turned the handle on the front door and looked back at you.

Mascara was streaked down your cheeks and your eyes were red and puffy. Roger’s gaze floated over you for a moment more before he turned around and slammed the door behind him. You flopped back on the couch in a fit of sobs. Snot filled your nose as tears fell down onto the couch. You curled into a ball so tight that you could barely breathe as your chest heaved with your heavy cries.

Sally came home an hour later to find you asleep on the couch. A sigh left her lips, knowing that this was a bad sign. She grabbed your pillow from your room and gently lifted your head onto it, trying her best not to wake you up. Sally took the blanket from the chair Roger had sat in and draped it over your shivering body. She got some wipes from the bathroom and removed the mascara stains from your cheeks in an effort to make you look as though you hadn’t been crying all night. After all of that, Sally went into her bedroom and threw down her belongings before moving over to the phone in the corner of her room. She picked it up, dialing a number that she regretted knowing by heart. It rang a few times before the gruff voice answered.

“What the hell happened between the two of you? She fell asleep crying on the sofa,” Sally spoke into the phone, her tone desperate for answers.

“I don’t want to be a second choice,” Roger answered simply. Sally opened her mouth to reply but the line went dead before she could. She was left alone with a disconnected telephone in one hand and more questions than answers swirling around in her head. And she knew that this was going to be bad.

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j-j-ehlby-writes · 6 years ago

Text

Păpuşă (s.s.)

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Word Count: ~6.3k

Summary: You and Sebastian just finished a movie together. This is your first promo interview. What happens when an unknown truth is revealed?

Italicized = flashback

My Masterlist

“My first guest tonight is starring in her very first movie, a hilarious romantic comedy with Sebastian Stan that’s coming out in theaters this Friday. It’s her first time on the show- her first interview even. Please welcome to the show, Y/F/N Y/L/N.”

I come from behind the curtain and am greeted by Jimmy Fallon. He shakes my hand before giving me a light hug as I step up onto the stage in the 5 inch heels I immediately regret choosing for this interview. I wave at the crowd before taking a seat.

“Welcome to the show, Y/N.” He greets.

“Thank you! I’m excited to be here.” I cross my legs at the knee to get more comfortable in the outfit my stylist picked for me. This was my first promo interview for my very first movie. It’s expected to do fantastic at the box office. I know it’s going to be a great film.

“So this is your first movie. How cool is that?”

“Oh it’s beyond cool. I can’t even explain how excited I am for it to finally come out.” I smile, thinking about the last year of my life and how much it has changed.

“And your co-star and love interest is the amazing Sebastian Stan. Tell me how that was and how that came to be.”

“That’s a funny story actually. I insulted him during the first round of auditions.”

“Can you believe you’re headed to your first audition?” My friend shrieks in my ear through my headphones. I walk down the sidewalk from the bus station, trying to re-read the script we were all sent to make sure I memorized my lines.

“No, I can’t. Don’t get your hopes up. You know how rare it is for someone to book their first ever audition? Practically unheard of.” I finally find the building after hanging up and go inside. I follow the signs until I reach a large room with dozens of people waiting their turn. People left and right all reading from the same script I have. I feel like the complete amateur I am in this crowd. Everyone looks so professional and not at all nervous, like I am. I find a quiet corner where there aren’t very many people.

“Hey.” I hear someone one say over my soft music. I pull out my earphone to see a gorgeous girl standing in front of me. “Do you need help running lines?” She asks offering a kind smile.

“Sure.” I unplug and put away my phone.

We go over some small talk before turning to the script. I feel foolish doing this in front of her, but at least it’s some practice that I definitely need. I feel like I know this script front-wards and backwards by now, but I still feel like I will mess it up somehow.

After we rehearse the necessary scenes, we continue to chat. She tells me that this is her tenth audition this week and I instantly want to drop out. There’s no way I will get picked over her. She looks like she belongs in this world. I don’t. The best that I could probably get would be someone in the back with no lines. I know it’d be something. Getting even a small part in a movie is something. But I want to go big. I wanted to go for the female lead. Go big or go home, right?

We’re standing around, waiting for the process to start.

And then he walks in.

“Who,” I drag out, “is that?” I try not to stare too much, but it’s hard not to. He is one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever seen. His shorter dark brown hair is covered with a dark blue baseball cap and his steel blue eyes are shaded by a pair of tortoise sunglasses, but he’s not fooling anyone. His beard is perfectly trimmed, trying to hide the sharp jawline but failing miserably. No one seems to have noticed his entrance, or if they did no one wanted to react.

She turns around to see who I’m gawking at. “You seriously don’t know who that is?”

“Oh no, I know exactly who that is. I just wanted to have that ‘movie moment’.” She laughed at my silly behavior, before looking behind me again.

“Well get ready to have another because here he comes.”

By the time I turned around, he was a few feet away from us. He greets the girl next to me. “Who’s your friend?” He asks, looking at me.

“Y/N.” I introduce myself. I see out of my peripheral vision him hold his hand out to me. I shake it, trying my hardest to keep my fangirling at bay.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. I’m Sebastian.”

I chuckled at how humble he is. He’s an A-list actor. He needs no introductions anymore. “I know. You played one of my least favorite characters on Gossip Girl.”

“One of?” He asks, feigning offense. He crosses his arms over his broad chest, trying to act like a tough guy. “Who’s worse than me?”

“Georgina,” I don’t hesitate to say, “and then Louis and Marcus tie for a close second. Blair didn’t have the best dating history.” I just finished re-watching all six seasons of the show for like the fifth time, so everything is fresh. I never thought my knowledge of a teen soap-drama would actually come in handy one day. “A history that briefly included Carter, even if it was to just piss off Chuck.”

“In your eyes, what made Carter so bad?”

“What he did to Beth was inexcusable. He deserved to work off his debt to the Buckley’s. And then lying to Serena about how long he’s known about where her dad is? That was sketchy and unnecessary. He didn’t deserve Serena. I was happy she left him on the side of the road.”

He smirks at me, “You seem to have a strong opinion.”

“Well I did just finish watching it again so you could say I’m pretty well-versed on what happened with Manhattan’s Upper East Side elite.”

“I’d love to hear what other opinions you have.” His smirk turned into a smile that lit up the room.

The first name was called into the audition room, bringing us back to the reason we are all here.

“What part are you auditioning for?” He asks after the conversations continued around the room.

“Noelle.” I name the main female character and ask the same question in return.

“Forrest.” He answers with the name of the main male character a.k.a. Noelle’s love interest. “Do you want to run lines together real quick before we get called in there? It’d be nice to go through it with someone who actually knows the dialogue.”

“We ran lines together and found out we just fit. When we made it to the chemistry read round, they told us to pair up. You can imagine everyone wanted to be his partner.”

“Everyone wanted to be Bucky’s partner.” Jimmy filled in.

“Everyone!” I emphasized. “I mean, how could they not? He’s a phenomenal actor and an even better human being.” I had to stop myself from gushing about him. I didn’t want to give everyone the wrong idea about us… “And much to everyone else’s dismay, he chose me because of how well we had gotten along the last time and we remained a pair for the rest of the process.”

“That’s awesome. And since this is your first movie, it must have been helpful to be surrounded by so many veterans.”

“Oh gosh, was it ever! I had no idea what I was doing the entire time. I felt like a fish out of water. Thank God I had someone like Sebastian to help whenever I needed something, which was a lot.”

I slam the door of my trailer and immediately fall apart. Today was bad. No, worse than bad. It was a trainwreck. I wouldn’t be surprised if they fired me after that awful performance.

I don’t know what was wrong with me today. I kept forgetting my lines, constantly messing up the take and having to do it over and over again. I know the director and everyone else involved must be frustrated with me with wasting everyone’s money and time. I also kept missing my marks. Somehow my feet and my eyes couldn’t register where I was supposed to stand and stop in the camera shot.

But worst of all, I couldn’t get into character. Getting into another head space right now didn’t seem possible no matter how many times I read the scene, I just couldn’t do it. It was frustrating as an actress because that’s what I’m being paid to do and I can’t do my job.

Knocks on my door nearly scares the crap out of me. I don’t get up from my spot on the floor. I don’t want to talk to anyone or have anyone seeing me like this.

Unfortunately I forgot to lock the door, so whoever knocked opens it and comes in. “Hey.” Sebastian’s voice fills my trailer with no trace of frustration. I run my fingers through my hair and wipe the tears away. He sits next to me, not saying anything else.

“I’m so sorry.” A new wave of tears threatens to fall, but I push them back. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Nothing is wrong with you.” He wraps his arm around my shoulders. “You’re just having an off day. Everyone has them. That doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.” He coos. “Frankly, I think we’d all be surprised if you didn’t have one. Then we may think you’re a Russian spy coming to infiltrate.”

A very unattractive snort came from my nose as I tried not to burst out laughing. I finally look at him to see him smiling. Even if my dark trailer, his grin lights up the entire room like it always does. “You should know! You’re the Romanian vampire who never ages.”

“‘Romanian vampire’ is kind of redundant.” He pursed his lips, nodding. “All vampires are from Romania.”

“Oh shut up!” I use all of my strength to push him over but because his arm is secured around me, he barely moved more than a few inches and brought me with him. He keeps going though, lying on the floor, pulling me to his chest. We lie in the new calm silence.

Over the last few weeks, Sebastian has become more than just my co-star. He’s someone I would call a good friend. I can go to him if I need help knowing he would never judge me. I can bounce ideas off of him for our upcoming scenes. I can talk to him so easily about anything that’s on my mind and he will engage in the most meaningless conversations with me. I truly enjoy his company more than I ever thought I would… which definitely didn’t help with the slight crush on him before I even met him.

I tried to bury it as soon as we were both cast in this film. I didn’t want to ruin this job because of it by making things awkward on set when I couldn’t get a grip on reality. I managed pretty well until we had to do our kissing scene… When I found out there was going to be one, I instantly dreaded it. My only hope was it was done right away. I wanted to get it out of the way so I could then get over it and look at him as just a friend and co-star for the rest of the movie.

Luck was not on my side though. It took two months before we got to that scene. Two whole months of hanging out with him on and off set, running lines behind the scenes, him bringing me Starbucks every morning, and me slowly falling for him before finally getting to that scene. And to say it made things worse would have been an understatement. Every scene we’ve had to do together after that, I messed up at least twice getting lost in the things he said and the way he looked at me. I’d try and explain it away by blaming the lack of sleep for clouding my mind, but that can only go so far and can be used so many times before people start getting concerned about my health and work ethic.

“Are you going to be okay, păpuşă?” He asks breaking the silence with his Romanian that sounds like the most natural thing in the world. I wish he would tell me what that word means. I asked him the first time he used it, but he said, “Now păpuşă, if I told you that, then I’d have to kill you.” So now I just deal with it and hope for the day he finally tells me.

“Did you two get close during filming? I ask because when he was here earlier in the week, he said he told the casting people when they offered him the part that he wouldn’t do the movie if you weren’t cast as Noelle. And there are plenty of rumors about the two of you being an item.”

My heart dropped. “Did he really say that?” I hadn’t had a chance to watch his interview from last week. I had been so busy with preparing all of mine in the coming weeks that I haven’t had much down time. And he didn’t say a word about it to me. Jimmy played the clip where he indeed said that. “Wow. Um...” I manage to squeak out before snapping out of it. “Yeah, we did get pretty close. I’m lucky enough to be able to consider him my best guy friend now. He’s someone I trust wholeheartedly.”

“So those rumors about you two dating are…?”

“Untrue. I am single and he is, too.” At one point during filming, I wasn’t sure that was true…

“Cut!” The director yells. “Alright, that’s a wrap today! Good job everyone. Be back here at 9 am tomorrow.”

I turn to one of my co-stars. “Thank God this day is over! I’m so tired. All I want to do this weekend is go back to my hotel room and stay there until Monday.”

“So you and Sebastian don’t have plans this weekend?” She asks as we walk back to our trailers.

“No? Why would we?” We do hang out a lot after we’re done filming for the day and sometimes spend the weekend hanging out in one of our hotel rooms, but we’re not always together like she is making it seem.

“So he’s free this Friday?” She tried to hide the smile on her face by biting her lip.

I shrugged, “As far as I know, yes? Why don’t you go ask him yourself? I’m not his keeper.”

That Friday, as we finish filming for the day, I see him leaving with her and I don’t hear from him again until I see him Monday morning. She was grinning ear-to-ear the entire day and he acted odd around me for the week following. He didn’t look at me unless we were filming, he disappeared during our lunch break, he would give short answers to my questions but then run away as soon as he saw an opening, and he’d be gone before I finished changing in my trailer. By the next weekend, I had had enough of it.

I bang on his hotel door and wait. It took a few minutes before I heard the lock on click and the door open to reveal a shirtless Sebastian and a pair of low-hanging sweatpants around his waist. His hair was also a mess, hanging in front of his eye. “Y/N, this isn’t a good time. I-”

“Why have you been avoiding me? Did I do something? I thought we were-”

“Is that the room service, Sebby?” I hear someone call from inside the room.

And suddenly, I realize what an idiot I was. He wasn’t avoiding me. He was just occupied with someone else now.

He turns back to me with the guiltiest look on his beautiful face. I swallow the lump in my throat. “I’m sorry, I, uh, I’ll see you Monday.”

“Y/N!”

That weekend was probably the worst I had had in a very long time. I locked myself in my hotel room and ignored everyone except for the delivery guys when they brought me food. Sebastian came to my door a few times, knocking and begging for me to open up for twenty minutes the first time but then got shorter every time he came back.

By Monday, I plastered a smile on my face and planned on giving the performance of a lifetime, but fell incredibly short. I could barely look at him without feeling betrayed. But why did I feel like that? We weren’t together. He can hang out with whomever he wants. He’s a gorgeous single man who could have his choice of any girl and he’s choosing someone that isn’t me.

“Cut! That’s lunch.” Everyone scatters after the announcement. I make a bee-line for my trailer to eat in peace. I picked up something before coming in this morning for this very reason.

“Y/N, wait!” I hear Sebastian shout. As much as I want to ignore him right now, I have to get along with him for the sake of filming. But if he wants to talk about anything other than the movie, I’m out. He appears in front of me, halting my steps. “Now who’s avoiding who?”

“I’m not avoiding you. I just want to get to my lunch. I’ve been looking forward to it all day and I’m starving.” I step around him to continue my journey.

“Subway again?” He guesses correctly walking along with me. I don’t answer. I just kept going finally seeing my trailer in sight. “Can I please explain myself?”

“You don’t need to. You don’t owe me anything.” I yank open the door and step inside. He follows.

“I know I don’t need to, but it’s obvious you’re upset-”

“Upset? What gave you that impression?” My sarcasm bit. “Was it ignoring your constant knocking on my door? Or was it the fact that I didn’t return any of your phone calls and texts? Oh no, it must have been my blatant disregard for your repeated efforts to talk about it. I’m just giving back what you gave me all of last week.”

“I’m sorry.” He apologizes, “I know I should have talked to you.”

“Why? Like I said, you don’t owe me anything.”

He steps closer. “But I do. We’re friends, Y/N. I should have told you what was going on.”

Friends. The worst F word a person can hear from someone they like.

So he explains. She had asked him out on a date last week. He said yes. They had a good time, but ultimately decided they were better off as friends. He was weird around me last week because he didn’t know if he could talk to me about it. He didn’t know if we were at that level of friendship yet, but I assured him that he could talk to me about anything, even girls no matter how much that would hurt. Of course I didn’t say that last part.

“Are we okay now?” He asks from his seat across the table. “Can I have my best friend back?”

“I’m your best friend? I thought that was reserved for Evans or Mackie.” I cross my arms on the table, smirking outwardly at his statement. My heart hurt a little to hear it. I don’t want to be his best friend… I want to be more.

“I think they’ll understand.” He smiles at me only confirming my stupid feelings.

“Well in that case, we have to be okay. If I’m going to face their wrath, I’m going to need some Winter Soldier protection.” My smirk turned into a smile as I imagine what their reactions are going to be.

“I gotchu, păpuşă.”

“Well if you’re both single then why not make it true? I saw the movie. Your chemistry is fire.”

I tried to hide my being uncomfortable with laughter. “I mean,” I shrugged, “I’m never going to say ‘never,’ because you really don’t know what can happen in the future, especially in Hollywood. But as for right at this moment, I am single.”

“And are you ready to mingle?”

“I am so ready to mingle!” I exclaim. “You have the connections, set a girl up!”

The rest of the interview went smoothly after that. I was escorted back to the dressing room, where I met up with my agent. She confirmed I had two phone interviews later, but I wasn’t listening very much. All I wanted to do was talk to Sebastian.

When I called him, I got his voicemail. “Bună iubito,” I use the greeting he taught me that meant “hey dude,” or something along the lines of that, “can you give me a call back as soon as you’re not busy? I need to talk to you about something.” I leave my hotel information before hanging up.

I just hang up with room service later that evening when there’s a knock on my door.

“I come bearing food!” He greets as he steps into my room.

“I just ordered room service.” I whine before taking a look at what he brought. Subway. Of course. I shake my head at how well he knows me before joining him at the table.

“Thank God because I’m starving. I only got this for you because you said you wanted to talk. I figured I needed to apologize for something, so I brought your favorite to soften the blow.”

“You know I had my Fallon interview today, right?” I ask getting straight to the point.

“Oh yeah, how’d that go?” He started unpacking my food, not looking at me.

“Good…” when he didn’t say anything, I add, “He told me what you said.”

His head dropped and his shoulders slumped. A sharp breath of air came out like a weight just lifted. “I was waiting for this.” He mumbles as he turns around to face me. “Look, if it sounded like an insult, I didn’t mean like that. I just meant that I believed in you so much and we got along so well during the audition process that if they didn’t choose you to play my opposite, then I didn’t want to be a part of the movie.”

“Why would you do that though? I’m sure there were more well-established actresses that auditioned that you would have gotten along with just as well. You took a huge risk betting on me.” I can’t imagine what this would do to his career if this fails because of me. “Not to mention, you could have lost the movie completely because of your foolishness.”

“I know, I know. There was just…” He paused, gaining a half smile at the image in his head, “there was just something about you that I wanted to know. I couldn’t let the opportunity go; I couldn’t let the possibility of being around you more slip through my fingers.”

Even in the poorly lit room, I could see the emotions in his eyes. The emotions I’ve seen multiple times while filming this movie with him… The way I imagine I look at him when he’s not looking. My heart races at the possibility of what he could be saying. I’ve had a crush on this man for years before I met him. Even the mention of his name made me smile and seeing videos of him interacting with fans always ended with me giggling because he was just so adorable. Then I actually met him and he has exceeded all of my expectations since then. He is the sweetest, most down to earth, hard-working, kind-hearted, passionate human being I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. And by some miracle, he might feel the same way about me that I do him.

“Sebastian…”

“Y/N…”

I had to sit down. If we were going to have this conversation, I wanted to be sitting. I curled up on the couch. He followed, sitting facing me resting his arm on the back of the couch. “When?” was the only question I could ask. My mind was spinning. Was this really happening right now?

His big, mesmerizing blue eyes locked on mine. They were filled with nostalgia as he remembered the moment. “It was the first time we hung out off set.”

After a long first week of filming, it was finally the weekend. One of the other actors suggested we all go out to celebrate surviving. I immediately turned to Y/N, waiting for her answer. All week I have been wanting to hang out with her off set. She is hilarious while just the two of us are between takes but shy when around everyone else, I wanted to know what she would be like in a more casual environment and not surrounded by dozens of people.

During lunch we all agreed to meet at this “cool” club downtown. Even as she said yes, I could tell she didn’t really want to. She’s an introvert. She doesn’t like crowds of people she doesn’t know. When we got back on set, I promised her I wouldn’t leave her side. She seemed reassured by it and that made me happy.

She makes me happy. Being around her has made me feel truly happy for the first time in a very long time. From the first moment I met her, she wasn’t afraid to tell me how she felt about my portrayal of an Upper East Side elite dick. Her conviction about a simple show showed me a side that interested me. What else made her blood boil? What other kinds of things is she passionate about? I had to know.

So when I was offered the part of Forrest, I asked who they were going to cast as Noelle. I panicked when they were leaning more towards someone else. I wanted to spend more time with her. Filming nearly every day with her for three to four months and then promoting the movie afterwards will give me that time. I knew I was risking everything by saying I wouldn’t do it unless she was Noelle. My agent definitely wasn’t happy with me about it when she found out. Thankfully it all worked in both of our favors.

She wasn’t like anyone I’d met in this industry and I wanted to see what else there was to her. I vowed not to waste any opportunity to do so.

I told her I would pick her up at her hotel and then we could go to the club together. But when she opened the door, she looked me straight in the eye and asked, “Do you just want to order pizza instead?”

No matter how badly I wanted to say yes and completely forget the plans we had made, I knew the two leads had to participate in a cast get-together even if it was only for a short bit. I did manage to convince her to go at least for a little while and then we could get pizza. I even added ice cream to the deal to persuade her.

When we got to the club, she instantly clammed up. I did all I could to make her feel comfortable for the time being by upholding my earlier promise. I never left her side. We ordered one drink, toasted with the cast, chatted for about ten minutes, and then we left.

The second she stepped out of the club, she was back to being her confident self. She complained about how stuffy it was in there, how loud and obnoxious the music was and how all she wanted to do was go back to her hotel and eat pizza and ice cream. Her wish was my command…

After we finally got our food, we went back to my hotel room. I was right about her having a whole different side to her outside of work. She is laid back, incredibly funny, and outgoing once she gets comfortable with you. I learned she has many different laughs for different situations, all of them equally as adorable as the last. She snorts when she laughs so hard that she can’t breathe. She squeaks when she likes something, her nose crinkles and her upper lip kinks up when she doesn’t. Each and every time she laughs, her smile lights up the room. She does have very strong opinions on more things than TV shows she knows well. I got to know her more than I ever expected.

“You know I didn’t initially want to be an actress?” She says lying on the couch with her feet on my lap. “It was more like a last resort thing. I never thought I could do it.”

“Why didn’t you think you could do it?” I ask flabbergasted by her inability to see how talented she is. Throughout the audition process, if I didn’t already know she was a newbie, I would never have guessed it. She acted like a pro. She nailed just about everything that was asked of her.

“Well,” She finishes her last piece of pizza, impressing the hell out of me. This girl isn’t afraid to eat. She consumed the entirety of her own pizza. I love it. “It’s not that I thought I couldn’t act. It’s that I knew it would a long shot that anything would ever come of it. All you ever hear about are people struggling to make it in LA. I’m one of those people that doesn’t like failing. If I didn’t get this movie, I probably would have given up on acting completely and tried something else.

Plus, it was drilled into my mind during my formative years that being an actor or a singer ‘weren’t real jobs’ so I just kind of swept it under the rug, never to be thought about again… until a few months ago that is.”

“Just goes to show, păpuşă, that you shouldn’t listen to the doubters.”

“Pap-what?” Her brows furrowed and her mouth hung open in confusion.

“Păpuşă.” I repeated fully knowing she has no clue what I’m saying. I’d been calling her that in my head ever since I met her, guess it just kind of slipped out.

She sat up and scooted closer to me. “I know you fluently speak Romanian, no need to show off to the rest of us that are inept and uneducated at languages. What does it mean?”

I tucked some of her hair behind her ear, taking in her natural beauty. When I met her, she wasn’t wearing much make-up, and she looked stunning. She’s complained to me many times this week that she has to wear more than she’s used to for filming. She thoroughly enjoys when she can take it off at the end of the day. She goes into her trailer as a beautiful woman, but she comes out the most stunning woman I’ve ever seen when she is without any. Not only is she naturally beautiful, her hair smells heavenly I literally want to bury my face in it constantly, she’s smarter than she thinks she is, she’s kind to everyone on set, she’s caring towards all she meets, she’s creative on and off set, she’s extremely passionate about many different things, she’s… everything I had thought she would be and so much more.

I like her. A lot more than I ever thought I would. I see that now.

“Now păpuşă, if I told you that, then I’d have to kill you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I ask after going down memory lane of that night. We went to McDonalds later because we were both still hungry and were craving their fries. We walked a few blocks to do so, singing Disney songs to each other down the empty streets to pass the time. It was an adventure that I never expected but am extremely grateful for. It showed me a side of him I had always wanted to see… and it only worsened my feelings for him.

“I didn’t want to make things awkward on set if you didn’t feel the same way.”

“And that date you went on with-?” It was only a month after our first hang out that he went out with our co-star. If he liked me then, it doesn’t make sense why he would go through with it.

“I did agree to go on a date with her, but only because I couldn’t go out with the person I really wanted to take out. And as soon as we got to the restaurant, she told me she only asked me out because she knew you wouldn’t. She was hoping that her even mentioning asking me out would spark something in you. That gave me hope.” Even the small smile that appeared beamed causing my insides to feel all melty.

“If you had hope then why did you ignore me after that?” All of the pieces are coming together now; it’s all starting to make sense.

“I only ignored you because every time I looked at you, all I wanted to do was tell you how I felt. But I didn’t want to tell you unless I knew for certain that you liked me back. I didn’t know how to handle it correctly. The night you came to my hotel room, she was only there to try and convince me to tell you. I had just gotten out of the shower when she arrived, so she had ordered room service while I was getting dressed. That’s when you knocked on the door. Nothing was going on between us.” He reached over, taking my hand in his. “It shattered me to see how hurt you were.”

I shook my head at the memory of that night. “Did you even suspect why I was so hurt?” I know at times I wasn’t subtle about my feelings for him. I always had a stupidly big smile on my face when I was around him, finding every opportunity to bring him up in a conversation… but that night, I was sure he would find out. When he didn’t ask me about it specifically, I thought he didn’t notice or care.

“Believe me, I had hoped that the reason you were so upset was because you cared about me the way I did you. But when I explained everything and you didn’t say anything, I assumed…”

“When you called me your best friend, it kind of slammed the door on that talk. One of the reasons why one day I literally could not do anything right was because of how I felt about you.” I admit, “I think I just got so overwhelmed with everything going on with the movie and how quickly life had flipped upside-down, trying to make sense of my feelings for you and maintaining a façade that my mind just could not do what everyone asked of it.”

He titters, “The day we laid on the floor in your trailer for so long that we fell asleep.” I nod. As we both reminisce about that day, his thumb rubs circles on the back of my hand. We fell asleep for quite some time too. It was the best nap I had had in a very long time. No one had any idea where we were and why we weren’t back on set when called. It was slightly embarrassing to be found in that position but since we were both clothed, no one suspected anything happened.

“I tried to bury my feelings for you when we were cast, but every day we’ve spent together has just-”

“made them stronger?” He finishes, locking eyes with me.

“How freaking cliché is that? Falling for your co-star?” Everything is telling me that this wouldn’t work. The track record of celebrities starting relationships on set and staying together is staggeringly low. I don’t want to become another statistic, but with the way Sebastian is looking at me right now, it makes me feel hopeful that we’d be one of the success stories.

“I mean, I liked you before we were even cast. Doing the movie together just helped those feelings grow exponentially.” He smiles at me again, caressing my cheek.

“You made sure of that,” I chuckled.

“And I think I made the right choice in trusting my heart.” He grabs both of my hands and pulls me up off of the couch. “If we’re going to do this, I want to do it right.” He takes a deep breath, letting his smile take over his handsome features. “Will you, Y/F/N Y/L/N, go out on a date with me?”

“It would be my humblest honor, Sebastian Stan.”

“Great, how does now sound?” He asks eagerly.

“Now? But Subway and room service…” I whine, eyeing the long white plastic bag on the table.

“You know as well as I do that you can have it later or tomorrow.” He gave me a pointed look, daring me to argue with him. He knows that’s what I’ve done multiple times; he knows I can’t argue with him. Bastard.

“Ugh, fine!” I whine some more. “Let me just take off my make-up and then we can go.” I still hadn’t taken off the stage make-up from my interview earlier. I felt disgusting and in need of a good face wash.

“Păpuşă, you look perfect.” He pulls me to him after I exit the bathroom, wrapping his arms around my waist.

“Are you ever going to tell me what that means?” I giggle as he buries his bearded face in my neck.

He laughs, pulling back. “Doll.”

“What?”

“Păpuşă means ‘doll’.”

Permanent taglist: @elusive-beauty @drakesfiance @im-a-slut-for-an-accent @fantasy-is-my-reality @naniky

#sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan oneshot #sebastian stan drabble #papusa #doll #sebastian #stan #stanstory

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alexandriteobscuraarchive · 5 years ago

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MUSE AESTHETICS

repost, not reblog ! bold the aesthetic for your muse. italicize what can be taken two ways or applies only partially.

Muse: Kala Lala

“just braid your hair if you won’t brush it, at least, you useless girl.” / pulling on your skirt with one hand as you shuffle away. / “you’ll get it done before the day is up.” / guilt that isn’t yours to have. / it’s a crooked game, but it’s the only one in town. / chains. / a face in the mirror that you don’t recognize. / “how could you do this to me?” / the sharp sting of guilt. / you feel something even though you’re paid to do the opposite. / the family you never had. / falling backwards through time. / quicksand. / drowning, but you don’t save yourself. / “you’re getting better.” / “they smile like a snake.” / you’re the stars and the sky. / there’s a part of you that couldn’t stay away even if you were forced to. / they are your wings, there’s no doubt there. / “let’s take off somewhere. let’s fly.” / you edge a bit too close to the sun. / another ghost to take your place after every stumble. / deep roots in the ground slashed open in the sun. / rock candy melting in water. / waves rise and leave the foam behind. / the precipice you call home has a tip you’ll reach eventually. / happiness is the best front a man can make. / discomfort at the tiniest of touches. / the sky opens up when you see them. / rain comes down. / poppy fields. / your sanity hanging by a thread. / “oh god, what have you done?” / your mother had the most beautiful gardens, but you can’t grow anything worth a damn. / the similarities between deep space and deep water. / they’ve got a devil on their shoulder and an angel in their mind. / you tried to help, but it only got worse. / now they’re dead, it’s all your fault. / adam & eve in the garden. / a temptress in crisp button-downs. / “fuck, you’ve gone off the deep end, haven’t you?” / they lie so perfectly you almost forget yourself. / the spark that lit the kindling on your funeral pyre. / you smell like the mountains in the winter. / crisp red apples piled up on the table. / your shoes are sharp, but your wit is even sharper. / a soft, hollow spot sits in your chest. / there’s a place you’ll never leave no matter who tries to stop you. / the seat of power fits like a glove. / heavy is the head that wears the crown. / you share a space, but not a mind. / they think you are weak; you are, maybe. / “what are you going to do with all of these pills? ” / an empty bird’s nest. / broken pencil tips. / there’s an empty paper in front of you that you’ll never fill. / “we want you to succeed. i hope you can grasp that.” / “they weren’t there when it happened.” / quick to anger. / corruption. / there’s a red string tying you together. / the scent of whiskey on the horizon. / “you’re the best friend i’ve ever had.” / pink tipped fingers lock in secrecy. / “jump. i dare you.” / 99 red balloons drifting through a hazy sky. / you try to lift your head up, but it’s so much effort. / always walking on sunshine. / marble under the sun. / “i was hoping that you’d understand.” / there’s a million reasons to come down from the clouds, but you can’t be bothered. / loon is the word of the day. / hair twisted up with glitter butterfly clips like a haphazard mobile. / you drift, but you know where you’re going. / no one has any dirt on you because you’re infinitely spotless. / the empty side of your bed they crawled into when they were nine. / court hearings. / “i miss you.” / siblings are a funny thing. / they point out every family-shaped hole in every picture on the mantelpiece. / a lone wolf separated from its pack. / god-blood. / “they say your name is death.” / all-consuming passion. / think about the things you did. / feed off the daylight. / no signs of life. / “what are you waiting for?” / a diaphanous sea of rose petals. / pure wilderness. / if you’re hungry enough, anyone can stop caring about something long enough to eat it. / spine like a ladder, and his weary feet can’t find purchase. / the burn was so slow no one ever saw it coming. / learn through teaching. / there were things; your own acts from which you could not recover. / how the other half dies. / “have you ever thought about why trees bleed?” / your mother crashed against the rocks to give you the world. / you are not safe. you are alone. no one is coming for you./ “go down with me, fall with me.” / i am awake in the place where women die. / thunder rolling on the hills. / black on black on black on black on bl — / the long game. / restless hands. / ivy infiltrating an empty, corroded church. / you will do anything to spare them. / a cemetery by the moon, unblessed. / every sparrow god forgot. / even when you walked one would think you waltzed. / the worst monsters wear the faces of men. / “madmen know nothing, but you should have seen me.” / “my blood ran cold.” / power corrupts. / wood grain and nail tracks. / no scales are strong enough to judge you.

#;;musing: kala lala #;;muse aesthetic: kala lala #I need to do these fill in for Pap too! maybe that'll be a task for tomorrow so i don't spam #plus I really like this one a lot---it's really unique!

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queen-rogah · 5 years ago

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Chasing Dreams - Part 8

A Queen Series AU

Part summary: A week have passed after the incident in the pub. Neon Youth reported to Dixon about the fight that's why they were banned, not part of the entertainment team of the pub anymore. You and Freddie went to find another pub again to perform on. Freddie told you about Brian and Lola in the past and you gave Freddie a 'thank you' gift at the end of the day...

Warnings: fluff, mild angst, language

Word Count: 4.3k+ words

Note: For the people that read my fic since the very start, I've changed it to a Queen series because it's becoming more of the whole band thing more than just reader & brian together. There will be an emitting love triangle :) And there will be flashbacks in this part, it will be italicized :)

*MASTERLIST*

♡♡♡ PART EIGHT: "NEW ROCKERS" ♡♡♡

A WEEK LATER - NOVEMBER 8, 1971

"Why the actual fuck does my sister have a bruise on her cheek now?."

You stood silent in the kitchen when you heard Rosalie said that from the living room. She and Brian came over again, he kept lying about helping Freddie for a song or he forgot something back here so that he'll just have to see you, if you're okay. If your bruise is healing fast. But a week wasn't enough for it to heal and now your sister finally saw the bruise.

"She fell...from the bed," You heard Freddie replied to her, smoothly lying to your sister, "She didn't know she's at the edge already and fell right off the ground."

"A large bruise...just by falling from the bed a week ago?." Rosalie sarcastically asked.

Then you finally entered the living room, "I fell on the bed twice last week, that's why it became worse." You lied.

Freddie gave you a smirk as he secretly shots you a wink, leaning his back on the wall as he felt relaxed. You saw Brian exhaled in belief that you saved yourself, you know Rosalie believed you.

And you can't believe she's concerned with you right now.

"And why are you so concerned to me lately? You never do that to me before." You crossed your arms.

You wished Vicky was here, always the number one person that will pick on your side and also help you get through the problem. She worked overtime again.

Rosalie was quiet as she just look away from you, leaning close to Brian who's looking on his feet. The dinner with them went fine earlier this day but it's awkward since there's always a dead air when you all are talking about something. Rosalie kept staring at your already faded bruise through the whole meal, and Freddie would just distract her to not look.

"I'm just asking. Is it bad if I ask?." Rosalie annoyingly said to you and that also zipped your mouth close.

You felt the guilt in you once you've heard her say that, "I-I'm...sorry, I was too harsh on you..." You stammer.

But your sister didn't respond and she just collect her things and put her jacket on, "We must go. Thank you for hosting the dinner Fred." Rosalie said, holding Brian's hand.

The same hand that cupped your bruised cheek last week. The hand that drew circles on your back while you're in his arms that night.

They showed themselves out, he didn't had the chance to say goodbye to you since Rosalie is on the rush. You're just sitting there in silence, still guilty towards Rosalie.

"I'm too harsh on her right?." You asked Freddie who sat beside you on this sofa. You both fell in deep silence before Freddie loudly sighed, then turn his look to you.

"I don't think so darling. She's asking too many questions, I hate it." Freddie smirks. You snorted a laugh as you playfully punched his bicep.

...

The sun came up again and it's a whole new day. Vicky left the house early this morning for her work, since some bridesmaids for a wedding this week will be having custom dresses that's why she's always rushing out of the house, never getting to say goodbye. You're all alone with Freddie again, so whenever he's busy writing songs inside his room, you would have to be on the phone calling your father or the other boys--especially Roger. You haven't told your father about your bruise--like never ever--and Jonathan have been asking you when will you come home. That's been the hardest question to ever answer in your whole life because you're still starting in Kensington, already fought someone but you still know there's an olive branch in your lives. Hope.

And Jonathan says everytime that he misses you very much. Always saying that you should come back home by Christmas time. You always promised. And he knows you never break promises with him. Especially to him. The phone call with them ended with a long trail of goodbyes before you just have to see Freddie standing by the door way of their room.

"The best friend again?." He asked, raising his brows at you.

You nod your head as you sat on the sofa, "He kept saying that I should come back home in Christmas and that is a month away already. I have to do something Freddie, you promise to me also that you'll help me reach my dreams. Right?." You looked up at him as he sighs.

Freddie had a frown on his face and you frowned too because he doesn't suit that so well.

"Look darling I...I just knew last night from Deacy that Dixon banned us from the pub because of that bloody Lola. She reported the band and you to the owner of Flotsam and banned us for life in that place. She's just to cruel. Now, we don't have a place to perform on anymore..." Freddie slouch back on the sofa.

Then you've felt the guilt inside you, "Fuck, this is all my fault again. I wish I didn't punched her there so that everything that is happening right now won't happen. This is all on me and I should be the one that will fix everything--"

"--slow down dear. This is not your fault, like I said before that it's Lola's fault. She punched you first and you just defended yourself. End of story." Freddie said.

It's been a whole week. A whole goddamn week and you still haven't moved on. You are still blaming yourself and these people are making sure you won't fell into that guilt hole in you again.

"So now what? I just don't want to sit here like some princess waiting for a prince." Freddie said in sarcasm as he stood up from the sofa, making his way back to his room. Slowly closing the door behind him. The silence here in the living room emits more sadness in this household, so you tried to think of a way.

After a couple of minutes, Freddie was startled inside his room while playing his old guitar with papers around the bed he's in when you constantly knock on his door fast until you see him standing before you, asking what do you want.

"Freddie, let's go pub hunting." You smiled.

...

It's been the fifth pub you've been into and you both are fussed up because those pubs doesn't have any entertainment team or it's all booked up with other local entertainers. The sun began to set while you and Freddie are still walking around Kensington in this thick fur coat you've borrowed from Vicky's closet.

"Can I ask you something?." You suddenly asked Freddie.

He turn his head to you, "Anything darling." He smiles.

"It's about Lola and Brian. I know I've been talking about their fight too often last week and whenever I ask something to Brian about Lola and what truly cause their fight that night, he always dodges that question. So, I ask you, Brian's friend ever since before you formed into a band. What do you know about Lola and Brian?."

"Vicky didn't tell you?." He asked, stopping in front of the small café as he opened the door for you to go inside and followed suit.

"She did told me about them but it's just about Brian dumping her because she's a bad influence to him. I want the full story Fred and I know you know it..." You said.

Freddie sighs when you both sat down on the booth, "Don't tell Brian I said this to you. Okay?." He made sure.

You nod.

"Back in '69, I have met Brian and Roger at the time but they are already in Smile with their original lead singer, Tim..."

AUGUST 14, 1969

Freddie arrived at the pub, taking slow steps down the stairwell as he looks around in this new environment. His eyes found the stage where multiple people are watching the band playing in front. They're already performing as you see Brian and Roger playing their own music, and Tim singing the lyrics they've made. Roger invited Freddie over to their gig here, and now he's by the bar ordering a pint of lager. He quietly sang to their song while lightly stomping his feet on the ground, fingers tapping the base of the bottle in his hand.

The cheers of the people increases when they hit the last note, ending their gig. Freddie finishes his drink as he left the bar, going out back where the band usually goes. He have seen usual girls waiting on some other band members that had performed earlier, cigarette smoke are all around the room, god knows what's more with them. He sees Brian who's holding his guitar together with Roger by the distance, a smile appeared on Freddie's lips as he speed walks towards them. Only to bump on some random girl who's wearing this thick fur coat. She have this jet black hair and glared at him.

"Watch it okay?." She glares and walks away with her friends.

Freddie scoffs as he rolled his eyes, turning his back again to find the others. When Roger saw him coming over, he grins at him.

"Freddie! There you are, we've been looking everywhere for you earlier. You're late actually." The blond drummer chuckles, Tim also squeeze himself into the conversation. Freddie just noticed that Brian isn't around as he looks around to find him anywhere. Then he found him, standing beside of this blonde girl together with others at the other side of the room. The girl's arm soon found Brian's waist and put it around him, Brian also pulling her close. Freddie didn't know he have someone, after just breaking up with his long time girlfriend since he's in college.

"Who's that? With Brian?." Freddie asked Roger as he look over to their friend who's being attached to that girl.

"Oh. I think her name is...uh, Linda?--" Roger stammers.

"It's Lola, Rog." Tim rolls his eyes. Freddie turn his look to him. "That's Lola Kinsley. She's actually in a band called Neon Youth, also performing here but much later than our time here. I didn't know she and Brian are that...close."

Freddie snickers, "Close? You mean close friends? That's what friends look like now? They look like a bloody couple to me." He comments. Pointing at their direction. Good thing they're facing away from them.

"I didn't know that she is Brian's type. I mean, he never talk about her to us." Roger said, still had eyes on his friend standing so close and touching that girl. That is five years younger than him.

"Brian never told you about her? Well, that's odd. He's always telling us about the people he's been with. But if this is private for him, why be so touchy in the public eye?." Freddie asked. Only the two shrugs and continue looking at them.

When Brian is now turning around, saying his goodbyes to her band. The three look away like nothing really happened and pretend like they're talking about something. The guitarist noticed Freddie with them that's why he jogged up to them and greeted him.

"Hey Freddie, nice to see you again. Did you just arrived?." He nicely asked.

"Yeah. I just did Brian. Come on, let's grab some drinks and catch up again." Freddie said as they agreed to him. Following out the room, but his eyes still glued on Lola. She looked interesting to know, but Freddie still don't know her that much.

And wondering why Brian still haven't mentioned Lola Kinsley to the other boys, even though their little escapade is already going on for two whole months.

OCTOBER 10, 1969

The rest of Smile and Freddie finally knew about Lola and Brian. She's been trying her best to be just the only girl that Brian will look that, but tonight, since they are in an another pub to perform on, Brian have been looking to too many women in the audience while they perform on stage. Lola was beyond happy that Smile is performing in the pub where she and her band is the original entertainment team. Flotsam will be the best place for her, seeing that her and Brian can watch one another.

Later that night, Lola kept bugging Brian to join them to smoke pot in the parking lot so that she will introduce him to her other friends and have fun with him. Brian declined in smoking since he doesn't smoke and he has a trauma in the past about smoking cigarettes and doing drugs.

"You can introduce me without having to smoke marijuana Lola." Brian said to her as she pouts her lips.

"Come on, it will be just a one time thing Brian. For me?." She pleads. Battling those eyelashes at him.

Lola's attitude of pushing people's buttons became toxic, especially to Brian. But he doesn't always follow her to do those things, that's why Lola was pissed at him that night. She became more and more vicious about the fact of Brian not following her. Then blames him here and there that he was cheating on other woman to her, even though there wasn't even an official thing between them. Lola was a possessive girl towards the guitarist. And whenever they would start a fight again, Freddie is always on the rescue. Finding a good lie to excuse Brian from Lola. To get him away from her bad influenced ass together with her stoned friends.

After weeks of that incident, Lola 'broke-up' with Brian but days later again, she's running up in his arms asking for forgiveness and now, Brian wasn't the idiot he was back then. He turned her down, dumping Lola and got back in pursuing his dream as a professional musician. That's when Lola and her band became competitive since Smile became more popular than them to other people. Never forgetting how Brian said those words to her, as the anger inside of her still wasn't perished and she badly want to get it all out.

"She really is a bad influence to Brian. I never imagine her asking him to do fucking drugs with her. That's just bullshit. And Vicky isn't right about the story though," You said to Freddie who's walking slowly beside you, keeping up your pace also.

"Did she said about Brian turning her down because she's not his type?." Freddie asked.

"Yeah. She did." You replied.

"Vicky likes playing guesses." He chuckles.

You both just left the café moments ago, still talking about Brian and Lola's past. And now the story was done, you can't think of anything but Lola being a pesky little bitch to Brian. After that story, you're just relieved that he found someone more...decent like your sister. You're still looking around for some pubs for the band to perform on and then something clicks inside your mind, stopping on your tracks as Freddie furrowed his brows. Looking straight at you with that questioning look on his face.

"What's the matter, love?." Freddie asked, taking steps close to you.

"The pub you've talked about earlier where Brian, Roger and Tim performed on before. Where you're just following them around?..." You snap your fingers together to let yourself remember and then Freddie helped you as he chuckles at reply.

"Crown & Anchor, the pub I've talking about yeah, what about it?." He asked.

"Did you just forgot about us finding a pub for you to perform on since life is too boring without you guys performing every Saturdays, huh Fred?." You sarcastically asked him, propping your hands around your hips. Then a smirk formed around your lips when he start to realize things.

"Oh yeah right! Oh god I really forgot things that fast, I'm sorry darling. Then, let's get going now." He chuckles, walking forward again. You laugh to yourself as you shake your head then followed him.

You and Freddie found the pub minutes later to see there are already people going in. You both entered, taking the staircase like Freddie had said earlier in his story then you've seen several people already here. Drinking or listening to the band who's performing on stage. This pub was more comfortable than Flotsam, since that pub already have bad memories for you.

"Freddie?."

Freddie beside you automatically whip his head to the person's direction to see it's a man, probably in his 60s because of that gray hair appearing on his hair. You heard Freddie let out a huge sigh before the man pull him into a warm hug. You don't know what's happening and who is this man in Freddie's life--or the other boy's lives.

When Freddie pulls away from the hug and see you being out of place here, he immediately faces you, "Y/N, this is Robert. The owner of this pub." He grins.

A perfect timing.

"Hi, I'm Y/N. Nice to meet you." You reach out your hand to shake his.

"Robert here have been Smile's lifesaver before. Before I was still in the band, he knew that Tim left the band for some other career in his life. And then he called me in, wanting to meet up with Brian and Roger, then poof, I am the new lead singer of Smile." Freddie explains.

"One time that I heard Freddie sing, I know that he have a dream and so I helped him start to pursue that dream." Robert said. Patting Freddie's shoulder as he silently thanks him.

This man in front of you helped Freddie to reach his dreams with Brian, Roger and John. And then the four of them are helping you too in reaching your dreams. That's just so...amazing.

"So tell me, what brings you here again?." Robert asked.

"Well, there was uh, a problem back at Dixon's that's why we can't perform there anymore. So, help us out Rob." Freddie said. Robert thought about it for a mere second until he said,

"Sure Fred, but you all will perform by Fridays. The entertainment line up is already full at Saturdays like you're usually taking. Okay?." Robert nods and you both let out a huge breath before pulling in each other for a hug.

"Any day is fine Rob, you're our bloody lifesaver. But there's one thing I want to suggest..." Freddie said, taking his hold off of you. "Can Y/N squeeze into the entertainment team too in Fridays? I swear she's the best performer ever, even better than us." He chuckles.

A red shade formed around your cheeks and you were speechless. This is it. If Robert will say yes, of course it'll be the best time of your life. You will say to your father, your mother, Jonathan, Old Fashioned and many more who cares about your passion in making music.

"Just make sure you'll keep the audience alive. Friday's are getting hectic for now." Robert said, smiling at the both of you.

Breathless.

You were breathless.

"I...I can't--thank you so much Robert, this is amazing," You stammer in excitement, "I promise...I promise I will keep the people alive with the music I'll perform in that very stage." You pointed at the stage and heard him deeply chuckle.

"Okay, you all start at Fridays. Still at 8, always at 8." He said as he pats Freddie's shoulder then shakes your hand again before heading towards the other people in this room who wants to talk to him.

Both your's and Freddie's heads turn to each other before you pull him in an embrace. Thanking him over and over on what he just did, and convincing Robert to say yes. You both happily left the pub, still in a jumpy state of excitement until you arrived back at their flat. It's already 8 in the evening, and Vicky is already passed out on the sofa. Tired and stressed because of her work. She didn't even had time to walk straight to their bedroom.

"Poor Vicky. The dresses that they're making for the bridesmaids are quite stressing her. She said that wedding is happening by three weeks." Freddie said while taking off his scarf and his jacket, leaving himself off that white velvet sweater and got inside their room. You also took off the fur coat you've borrowed from Vicky as you carefully pull out the bed from the sofa, avoiding Vicky to wake up from her slumber.

Freddie came back from their bedroom with a duvet in his hands and put it on Vicky.

"Should I still make dinner?." You whispered to Freddie.

"No, I'm pretty sure that I am full from that bread full of cheese in the café earlier." Freddie whispered back as you chuckled, nodding your head at him.

"Well then, I'm tired from all that pub hunting and I should get some sleep. Goodnight Fred." You yawned, getting your clothes to sleep in from your bag also.

"Goodnight darling, watch Vicky for me on the sofa yeah?." Freddie said while chuckling.

"Sure do Fred." You laugh.

...

"Are the boys coming over?."

Vicky said from the room while she's getting ready to go to work again. You're cooking some breakfast while Freddie is softly playing the piano, papers laying ontop of the piano and put his cigarette on the ashtray.

"I don't know. They're busy I guess, so no." Freddie replied as he stopped playing the piano. Writing something on the paper and seeing him struggle a bit while writing.

Vicky finally left the room, already rushing her movements. She quickly leans in to kiss Freddie goodbye, "I'm sorry I won't be eating breakfast with you guys." She apologized while putting on the dark brown suede boots.

"You always skip breakfast Vicky. Where you are getting the energy you've been using?." You said while you're putting the scrambled eggs on the plate.

"I'm so sorry...I'm in a rush again. Promise I'll be eating as much as you both want at dinner time." She grins, getting her bag on the sofa.

"Well, I hope you're not passed out asleep in the evening like you always do my love." Freddie interjects, looking at his girlfriend in the corner of his eyes.

Vicky just lets out a laugh, "Oh piss off, I'll get going now." She waves off her hand as she took her things, saying goodbye to the both of you before leaving the flat. When Vicky slam the door close behind her, Freddie clamps his hand together and took an intake of breath.

"You okay back there Fred?." You asked, drying off your hand from washing the cooking pans you've used. "Breakfast is ready."

Freddie took the papers ontop of the piano and frustratingly slam it on the table, in which you are startled by him.

"Zero ideas?." You questioned him.

"It's just so frustrating that I got plenty of ideas days earlier and now I got nothing." He grunted, slowly massaging his temples.

You firstly slide over the plate of scrambled eggs and bacon you've cooked and sat on the chair in front of him. "Need help? I can give you some of my lyrics...if you like?." You said to him.

"You will?." He grins.

"Yeah. And name it as a thank you gift because you literally saved my musician dreams in performing this Friday in that pub. So, just wait for me, I'll go get my journal for you." You said.

"Thank you love, you're a saint." Freddie gives you a warm hug then let's you go to get that journal. You rummage through your bag again to get your journal and quickly pull it out, bringing it now with you in the kitchen where Freddie is now eating his meal.

You put the journal in front of him, "Help yourself out." You stated and eat your own meal too.

You watch him read through your handwritten lyrics on each pages again and abruptly stopped on the page you just recently write, it's an unknown verse. Those words were just stuck inside your head, that's why you write it down just in case it will turn into a song sooner or later.

"This. I will take this." Freddie pointed at the page. You lean in to read the lyrics you've written on that page.

I live and lie for you Mister do and I'll die You are mine I possess you I belong to you forever

"Then it's now yours Freddie." You said and sat on your chair again, smiling at up while chewing the food in your mouth.

Then Freddie finally write down your own lyrics in his papers. You peek on the handwritten lyrics of the song he's been working on and see it's called,

Seven Seas of Rhye

__________________

presenting the infamous sofa I imagined in Freddie's flat in this fic:

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